From Royal Princess to Royal Ass

Well, every great writer has a desk from which they write from, mine just happens to be the tabel at the local McDonald's. It doesn't really matter where the desk is as long as the writer has something to say of importance. Isn't that what every writer thinks, they have a voice and it must be heard? Well today I have a voice and I can't say it must be heard, but I'd like to think I want it heard. Leaving it up to the readers to hear it.  I know lately I've been quiet, haven't ventured in here to speak through the waves of cyber screens but I haven't been quiet. In fact I have shouted, yelled, cried and even started stomped my feet a few times since the last blog. I can't tell you how many tears have stained my pillow at night but I didn't come here to talk about that. I came here to discuss the inner workings of behavior changes that have been occuring lately with-in me. Society has become a self gratifying society who want it ALL in the moment of NOW! I have even become guilty of living this way from time to time. When I say self gratifying I don't mean sexually, all though for some they even turn to masterbation for a quick sexual fix instead of waiting for a partner. Or they turn to becoming so sexually addicted that they do anything and everything that has a hole or dick because they feel they just cant get enough!  But again that isn't where I want this blog to go. I was thinking more along the lines fo self gratification in the area of living.

Take the microwave for example, I recently lost mine due to the lovely fact it just quit working. I was with out for about 3 days and let me tell you, It was crazy, I didn't realize how reliant I had become on using the microwave to cook or warm up food. I had forgotten how a simple left over meal from the night before was to warm up via a push of a button for lunch the next day! Instead those 3 days I had to warm it up on the stove in a pot or in the oven. Seriously, it took longer and made more of a mess! Definitely, not set up for self gratification of a now experience using the stove!

   But, again that isn't what I am referring to as self gratification either. I am talking a bit more deeper than that. I am talking about how society has become so caught up in the "Make me Happy NOW" that they don't think of the long term effects of decisions or behavior they portray on a daily basis. Including me from time to time!  Yes, I the Not So Ordinary Princess, even has not so Royal Princess moments! I too can be a Royal Pain in the Ass rather than a Royal Princess at times, I am humble enough to admit it!

Let me see if I can use a situation I was made aware of recently to explain or show example of what I mean by living a life of now self gratification rather than living life selflessly.  I have been dating a guy now for about a month and a half, He is amazing, He is everything I have prayed for since I was a young girl, I really believe that God is answering my prayers and giving me the desire of my heart in this area. Shawn is his name, and he is so amazing for many ways. I could write a whole blog (perhaps another time) on just how and why he is amazing. Time will escape me on why, but the only draw back to this relationship is he lives 1300 miles away. Now folks this isn't an internet relationship. Shawn and I went to school back in 1995 (high school together) and I moved out of state after that so distance has become our opposing force right now. We depend on the phone and snail mail, texting and an occasional facebook message to communicate right now. He is planning on moving to my home state soon! But recently, Shawn has been working mad hours, 6 sometimes 7 days a week just to provide financially for himself and to take on the role to provide for me and my daughter 1300 miles away. When we first started talking  I have to admit it was nice to talk HOURS on end day and night via phone. I'm on medical leave right now due to foot injury so I sit home bored..lol He was in between jobs (construction) so we had no barriers stopping us from talking ALL day and ALL night!  But recently, Shawn has been working and a lot! Our conversations are shorter and not as often. I broke down last night and told him crying I wasn't happy about it. I know selfish right? I had gotten spoiled and addicted to what we had in the beginning and become self gratified by it. I had not taken into account that perhaps his schedule would change and we'd perhaps have to adjust to a new talking schedule. So many thoughts swarmed my head, past negative behaviors began to surface and be active in my life because of past sour relationships that I began to distance myself from Shawn unconsciously and it was effecting our relationship! I blew up his phone via texts to find out what was going on. I wanted a NOW answer, I wanted a NOW reason, I wanted a NOW Shawn. That was when, God stepped in and used Shawn to show me I was expecting self gratification from a situation that for now is gratification delayed due to the distance. I didn't take into account that Shawn is working hard to get his paycheck to pay bills, save money for the move, and to save money to help when he gets here. I was looking at it through selfish eyes because again  I Princess, wanted him NOW. 

How many other people have been guilty of wanting NOW when perhaps there is a process that is required that isn't denying gratification just delaying it for a bit?  I know I have been guilty of this many times and finally think this may be my down fall and my "wandering in the wilderness for 40 year moment". So now that perhaps the problem is revealed how do we solve it? Anyone, have any suggestions? hmmm, well, so far the only one I have come up with is:  Relinquish ALL control of your life in ALL areas to God. Don't just give Him the reigns and when things don't go the way you assume they should grab them back and dictate God and your life. I mean truly giving God the reigns and trusting that no matter what come hell or high water you will NOT take them back.  I know this is way easier said then done, in fact I am 30 years old and knew all this but hadn't been doing it. I found it easier to give God control of the areas I felt He was an expert at rather than giving him access to all areas. I made a decision back in March?April of this year to give him the area of my heart and life involving relationships. I went on a 6 month fast from dating and any type of relationship with guys. I learned so much about me it isn't even funny. I let God give me a make-over and remodel me in this area, which when October came it positioned me to be open to recieve Shawn when God placed him in my life. Yes it was choice I had to make to let Shawn in, I had to choose him when he asked me to be his woman. It was a battle I had to struggle with because of all the work God had done in me, I had to start activating the new behaviors, thinking patterns, mindset, and emotions that were given to me over the 6 month process. I didn't fight long, because God knows best, so I swallowed hard and said "OKAY, GOD This is you, I'm walking forward into this, trusting you will guide me, lead me and build our relationship on you!" And guess what He has! Both Shawn and myself have been trusting God and letting Him build our faith through each other and deepen our relationships with God both individually and as a team!

 There is an old saying that for years has drove me buggies when I hear it, "I suppose you want your cake and be able to eat it too?" I mean seriously, what kid on their b-day is given a cake and told no they can't eat it? I don't know of any....So what is the cake for? To eat..duh, so then why do folks say "I suppose you want your cake and be able to eat it too" Hell, if you ain't gonna let me eat the cake get it out of my face....lol I mean yes, there are some life situations that will be like a cake and just add fat to us (meaning they aren't beneficial experiences we really need to partake of) but still, its our choice to eat of that cake if presented. Guess, that is where wisdom comes into play and we choose to activate wisdom or ignorance and pay the consequence later on if we choose to eat of the 'fatty cake'! lol

  So the next time I hear "what I suppose you want your cake and be able to eat it too,"I will say yes, but if I eat of it, it is MY choice. I mean after all cake is to be eaten! Giggle giggle. Now I am going to insert a disclaimer on this whole "have your cake and eat it too thought."

READY:

USE WISDOM WHEN OFFERED YOUR CAKE:

IF YOU ARE DIABETIC DON'T EAT A CAKE FULL OF SUGAR.

IF YOU ARE MARRIED DON'T EAT A CAKE FULL OF ADULTERY.

IF YOU ARE EASILY ANGERED DON'T EAT A CAKE FULL OF HATE.

MY POINT:

KNOW THE INGREDIENTS OF THE CAKE BEFORE YOU EAT IT!

THIS WILL SAVE YOU A LOT OF TROUBLE!

After all wasn't it an apple of deception that Snow White bit into that caused her to "die"? Becareful what you bite into!

Trading my Rags for Royal Garments

I have come to a revelation…I discovered I have Royalty in my DNA, that’s right this ordinary girl is indeed a princess by divine order! I always knew I was more than just a simple girl. I knew I was more than just the average gal in school, but never believed it. I allowed society to title me and I began to live my life based on the title of what society labeled me: Ordinary Girl, despite my internal knowing! And so let me share with you the journey to discovering this remarkable milestone if you will allow me to, it may just open your eyes to the same fact that you too have royal DNA in your veins!

The year is 2,000 and something without the actual sermon notes in front of me I don’t recall the exact year but I’m leaning towards 2002-2003. I was asked in January to prepare a sermon/message to share in September for the women’s ministry at the church I was attending back then. I began to dive into the word to find a topic for the night I had to speak. I began to pray and seek God on what He’d want me to share with the women that night. It was about a week later that I was lead to a book by Priscilla Evans Shirer, and another book. Both books I read in a 2 month time frame and they changed my life forever! I knew after that two months the topic I was to speak to the ladies. I knew it was right from the heart of God for each woman that would be there. I entitled that message “Women, God’s Secret Weapon” and began to put together the message for Septembers women’s meeting. Now this isn’t the first time I had to speak or share a message, I have taught kids ministry, taught in my own peer group but speaking as a woman to other women was a first! I knew I had been given a humbling yet honorable position and I knew it had to be a message of accuracy and right from God to his children. I wasted no time preparing for this message. I dove into the Word of God to find out all I could on Women and How God sees women. I even dug deep into the Bible to find God’s heart on his creation he calls women! I used the two books I had read prior to my preparation as tools to pull out some Biblical meat and truths on the subject. As I was preparing this message, I began to allow myself to be teachable as well. It was in this time that I learned my true identity! An Identity that can only be found in God. One that is so contrary to what society sees me as, an identity that is far greater than I had ever seen myself to bear! It was at that moment that the “switch had been flipped” and I became aware of who I was. Needless to say when September came and it was time to deliver the message God had birthed inside me for His daughters, I was not only prepared but living the revelation! A set up for a great night of internal healing for other women who had not caught (‘til then) the revelation of their Royal DNA!

Moving to the Fall of 2007 to Spring of 2009, time will escape me to go into details (which really aren’t relevant anyway) but I can say this; I went through hell and back. I even got to a point where I had allowed the enemy to pollute my mind and thinking pattern of who I was. I had somehow come to a point where I lost the belief of who I was in God. I had allowed society to name me this or that. I even began living under these names and picking up certain behaviors and traits that these titles (names) would have. I knew deep inside that this was wrong but never the less, I had become what others had spoken me to be; all the while forgetting my true identity of being Royalty with royal DNA in my veins that was placed inside the day of my salvation. See John 1:12-13 and Galatians 3:26-29 for better understanding of what I mean. It was in 2009 that God had brought a very special couple into my life to help me begin to see myself the way God seen me. This couple and I bonded quickly, they have since taken me under their wing as a daughter and have been there for me both in the natural and spiritual areas. They have even helped me both naturally and spiritually raise my daughter with simple biblical truths, teachings, thoughts, and wisdom. I can’t thank them enough for pulling me out of the pit, taking off the “grave clothes/ garments of heaviness” and dressing me in my royal garments once again! Now I know it wasn’t really them…It was God through them. However, they had to be obedient, willing and patient…and for that it was them who God used to bring me out of the pit and into the Palace!

The year is 2010, and I am seated at the right hand of the King! I am dressed in garments of royalty and while I serve the King, I also know my place as a Princess (sitting at the banquet table next to Him). There comes a time when even the Princess puts down the role of servant and dines! I have in the midst of the hell I faced, restoration I went through have a deep, deep, deep rooted confidence of who I am. A confidence that no one can take away, nothing can steal, no one can rob me of. I know who I am in God! I have regained my identity and am not going to be ashamed of it. I realize I don’t deserve it but I have been given it and I will not ever let anyone strip me of my royal garments again! I see myself as a jewel in God’s crown worth far more than rubies, diamonds or gold! I see myself dressed in fine linens adorned with the best like mentioned in Ezekiel 16:9-13. I am fully persuaded that I am in-deed ROYALTY! I, PRINCESS CANDACE RAE HERNDON!

I traded my rags of ashes in for garments of beauty, it wasn’t through anything I did to obtain these royal garments, except believe John 3:16 years ago, confessed with my mouth I am a sinner, repented and excepted Christ into my heart many years ago, it was through Salvation I was adopted into the Royal family! I continued to grow and develop in God which are the methods to maintaining my position as royalty. If you recall from earlier, I never said this road of salvation or life of royalty would be easy…but I have thus far endured the journey and look forward to what more ROYAL inheritances I will receive! For me though, it really isn’t about what I can gain, it goes deeper than that. For me, this royal DNA I have is about identity. Something many folks go years trying to discover. The simple fact that I have discovered who I am, revealed my identity to myself of who I am, is a major milestone in my adventure I call life! Knowing that this identity is the very one I was born to have like mentioned in Jeremiah 29:11 opens endless opportunities for me. Doors will begin to open that with out this identity may never had been opened, which is a very honorable and humble journey all in another chapter I am sure! But for now, I am going to get acquainted with myself as a Princess! I am reminded of that movie where there girl find out she is to be princess and has to go live with her grandma in Genovia where she will be crowned Princess. She has to learn the life of a Princess because for so long she lived as an average ordinary girl. However, her DNA, had a different destiny for her, one of Royalty. She spent many days, weeks, months and maybe even a year having to rid herself of prior behaviors not suitable for a Princess. She had to have an extreme make-over that was both internal and external. I am in that process, God is doing a MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR extreme make-over on me and it’s a process that is taking place both internal and externally. This make-over started around November of 2009. The internal is just about done, in fact the other day I finally retired my “drop kicking shoes” and decided it was time to replace them with fitting my feet with the readiness that comes from the Gospel of Peace! So no more drop kicking folks “in love…” While I know that today, September 30th 2010 I am a princess with royal DNA, I do not think of myself in any way more highly as I ought! I understand there are those out there that haven’t experienced this revelation for themselves, so I will continue to walk in humility amongst them, never forgetting where I have come from. I will continue to love them and help them into the steps needed for them to have this same revelation. I traded my crown of thrones for a crown of Glory, I traded my rags of filth for garments of fine linens, my shame for a badge of honor! I am now in position to carry out my destiny and the Will of God for my life in the presence of the King!

I pray that everyone reading this will do the same. They will start a journey of finding out who they are…Find your missing Identity it may be the very piece to the puzzle you’ve been searching for that answers your longing question; Who Am I?

Desk of McDonalds

So for the last 3 nights I have been missing him. I mean really missing him, and no matter how hard I try to surpress or ignore the feelings they get stronger. I get in my Bible to meditate on the Word thinking it will help cast down these thoughts...Not working...I thought the first night it was just the pizza I ate late at night talking to me...but then what's the excuse Saturday night for pizza wasn't eaten that night? And why did I have him on the mind last night. I mean seriously I had a wonderful day at church, great time with my favorite friend and then went to church in the pm. I didnt even think of him at all yesterday til it was time to go to bed. Then to dream about him too? Seriously...I don't get this. It's been almost two years since we even had any type of relationship and almost a year since we have seen each other, so why now, why am I starting to miss him? I have let go, I have healed, I have allowed myself to move on. I can't stand this....ugh...

So I get on Facebook and read this status on someone's page...Shake off the "why's" and the "what if's" of your life and rid yourself of that energy draining confusion. Whatever was - is in the past. Focus, focus, focus on embracing your bright future that is filled with endless possibilities… GO FOR IT!!! So that is going to be my focus today...shaking off this him and what we had...and pushing myself to move forward.
So I pulled out the old year books from my school days and decided to see if I could find any of my former classmates on facebook. I found a lot of them from my year in Alabama. But not so many from my years in Michigan. Don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing! lol I guess I had more friends in Alabama than here in Michigan.

Well I have nothing left to say so for now....

1 Corinthians 6:12

I CAN!

I know I so should be taking this time to job hunt but I don't want to, I have done so all week and now just need time with the internet to catch up on blogging, emails, facebook and even myspace. Yes, I still venture over to http://www.myspace.com/ and log in from time to time. Not as often as I grace facebook with my presences but I do make an effort to stop into myspace. giggle giggle. I know I'm old-school what can I say! 

They say out with the old in with the new. If you want something you have never had, do something you have never done before. Well...I have to say I have come to a season in my life that I am done living for others. I live for God and self. Now I don't mean self as in selfish gain. I am talking about as I hear God and do what he says I'm putting me and my daughter before others. While that may sound selfish, it isn't meant to be. It simply means that I can't live any longer to make others happy while putting me and my daughter in a place of misery.

For me sometimes it takes a drastic change to make me realize one is needed. What works for some won't work for me, and what works for me may not work for others. God meets us all at our level. He speaks to us in ways we understand, so we can obey!

I have to say this new look I have is amazing. I have never felt more sexier and happier! I may keep it going for a while!

Wow, Its been a long time since I have heard folks pray over their food in public. I am sitting again in Mcdonalds and at the table next to me two men sat and before they ate they bowed their heads and began to pray out loud over their food, as I listened in on their prayer I realized they prayed for more than just their food. It was cool. Praying out loud for your food has become a lost art...and its sad...so to hear it take place in the public place is awesome....on a side note the is a girl eating lunch with her man not far from my sight that is rocking some majorly viberant pink hair...Its awesome, I'd take a picture and use it here if I didnt think she'd find it strange that a random stranger is taking a picture of her. She definetly isn't ashamed of what she looks like. And she can pull off the hair color too!

If you sit somewhere long enough you begin to become aware of your surroundings and see things that may often be missed if you don't take time to look around. It amazes me how fast paced society has become. I have to say sitting here for like now 2 and 1/2 hours has been refreshing and enlightening! Sipp'en on the same pop, no its not watered down ( no ice was added) and just taking in my surroundings has been very eye opening. Wow, this worker is interesting...she is washing a table, and complaining cuz someone didnt throw away an unused napkin. She is very upset about this issue. She is talking to herself about it. She is clearly upset....How sad...

Okay before I begin to ramble..oh wait that is the name of this blog....lol I will end it.

So til next time, Remember,  Ordinary people believe only in the possible. Extraordinary people visualize not what is possible or probable, but rather what is impossible. And by visualizing the impossible, they begin to see it as possible.

Blog from McDonalds

So  a lot has taken place since I made my transition fom Davison to Owosso. I have experienced more in 6 months then I have in a year. I am still in love with my new city, people and atmosphere. I am still very cofident that I made the right decision when I chose to relocate my family. I can't say that I have had an easy journey but I can say that I have had the ability and strength to keep on keeping on while in the valley. I have come to understand what Psalms 23 talks about when it says the Shepherd leads me. Despite what I face, God goes before me and takes the fight causing the effects to be less traumatizing for me when I walk through. I have had the winds of life blowing from every angle and while they have been brewing up a storm I understand what it is to walk on the waters with peace. I know what it's like to experience the storms of life and yet still have peace. I have watched the winds blow, situations arise unexpectedly, finances come plumiting down with a sudden crash, yet I feel very little effect from it because God chose to give me peace and calm me rather than the storms. Here I had been expecting him to calm the storm, but He choose to calm me! Its amazing...

I have come to a new understanding and appreciation for Mercy and Grace, which by the way are two seperate things. I have realized that Mercy only comes when we apply the blood to our lives (repent for sins) then God's mercy is able to flow from Heaven to us. Mercy is Gods seperation from his wrath for us. Mercy is God not doing what we do deserve. Grace is God doing what we don't deserve!

I am coming into my Canaan! I was set free from bondage and walked the wilderness and now am finding my steps leading to my spiritual Canaan. I can't say it's been a delightful journey but I am learning to walk it out with no complaints...God is my cloud by day and pillar of fire at night. He is my provider, refuge, defender and guide. 

On a not so spiritual side, my 6 months of not dating is over and while I am still single, and have many guys flocking to me, I am not ready to dive right into the dating scene. I am taking my time to evaluate each canidate and narrow out the weeds. I do not want the wrong man. I have taken time to evaluate what I do want and won't settle for anything or anyone less than I deserve. I am trusting God and keeping myself postioned in Him til the man God has for me finds me!

Well this chapter from McDonalds is going to have to come to a wrap. I can't focus on blogging with the large group of elderly folks cackling away just a few tables over. I swear there must be like 30 of them. giggle giggle...

so til next time, Know that God is who he says he is and will do what He says he will!

Noodles and Poodles

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and when it was over you were left in a state of "Did we seriously just have that conversation? What was really said in all of that?" I did and I am still trying to process it! I don't know if I should have a bruised ego and take it as I was "rejected" or if  should take it as "read between the lines and hear what isn't being said while I say what is coming from my lips" As fast as the conversation started is how fast it ended...and I think I said 2 words....so as you can see it was mostly a one sided conversation leaving me more puzzled than I was in the first place! lol

So I have decided to leave it in God's hands and let Him work it all out!

Well I made a startling discovery the other day while driving...I have been single for close to 6 months. The 6 month mark is Sept 14th for those who really must know. And in this time I have had a few opportunities to try and date and they never got off the ground to become anything more than an idea. I have been totally content being single and learning so much about myself.  I also realized that many people mistake my kindness as flirting. All I have to say is if I was flirting or interesting in you I have guts to tell you! What ever has happened to treat people the way you want to be treated? I mean seriously kindness goes a long way... and when I have more than someone else I want to bless them with out making it evident that I have noticed them lacking and making it a huge deal that I have more than them. So I discreetly try to share with them in a manner that doesn't make them feel out of place.  Oh well...perhaps one day folks will take time to really get to know me! 

I am starting to look forward to my 30th Birthday, where as before (even just last week) I was dreading it! However I realize that 30 is going to be a new season, new adventure and I am starting to look forward to what it holds for me!  

So for now I will end this thought...I am sure there is more I want to say but I must tend to the needs of the kids I am babysitting and feed them lunch!

Toodles!

Human Robot

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you have become robotic? I mean you have passed from routine into robotic. You no longer are aware of what is going on around you because you are beyond sleep deprived, emotions, routine even? I know I had become that way for a while because of the schedule that I have come to experience lately. I have to admit I hated that I had allowed myself to become so desensitized that I entered into the state of what I will call robotic!

Now, don't get me wrong, I did a few things out of the norm..I did find myself sitting over at a friends house for a few hours talking to him and watching Austin Powers....oh and laughing...laughing hard! But for the most part I woke up, went to work, went to the 2nd job, came home went to bed and repeated the process for several weeks. In between that I did manage to eat, shower and tend to my daughter but still something was missing. My ability to function as me had somehow become a lost treasure. Sunday I came home from church and crashed. I slept for what seemed like eternity yet in reality was only 6 hours! I woke up to Amariah asking me very quietly and gently "mommy, may I please put a new movie on..the other one has been over for some time and I played with my toys. B'cuz I didn't want to wake you..I knew you needed sleep." Now seriously...my 5 year old even knew I needed sleep and was willing to allow me the honor of getting some. So I woke up and put a new movie on for her and snuggled on the couch with her. She had the biggest smile on her face and said "I love you mommy" I have been truly blessed to have her in my life.

I went to our young adults class Sunday night and it was really good. The topic shared and spoken on really got me thinking...and perhaps even opened my eyes to what was really missing in my life as to why I had become robotic. Sleep. Imagine that...I am so accustomed to doing for everyone else that I often neglect me. I tend to allow myself to become the last priority and run myself ragged to help others. So I went to bed that night before midnight! I know right..for those reading this that know me this is a huge thing...No folks I wasn't sick. I just decided it was time to get back to bed at a decent time. So I managed to after young adults, getting dinner, giving the kid a bath, picking up the house, getting our stuff together for morning, putting the kid to bed and running down to the office to drop off rent (while granny stayed with Ami) seeing granny off, I found myself in bed before midnight!

The alarm went off as usual at 5:30am Monday morning and I woke up with out a problem! Imagine that..see what happens when one gets sleep! lol I wake up the munchkin..who might I add was very easy to wake up and she even had a smile on her face! we got ready and headed out for our day. I got to work at 7am and had a great time. then off to my 2nd job and guess what....Again I had a great time!!

I even managed to be in bed at 10pm I last looked at the clock at 11pm so I got some sleep yet again! Ami woke up today laughing from a dream she had..it was nice to see her smiling instead of being a grizzly bear who is grumpy from lack of proper sleep.

So where does all this fit into the lesson?

Simply....put it this way....when you are faithful to do what God is asking of you to do in the NOW season....you will be able to withstand what the enemy throws your way...and as you are found being faithful with the little much more will be given to you!

We too often think that this is in reference to the bigger things or issues in life...but in reality God is looking to see what we do with the little (what society would consider obsolete areas of life) so he can reward us by giving us those bigger areas things... Never under estimate the small things..for they could be the foxes that spoil the vineyard or they could be the very thing that brings promotion....

so til next time... work out your salvation by allowing yourself to be teachable, humble and wiling to repent when you mess up!

Grind My Gears

I am so sick of folks who claim to be Christians yet are so judgmental and full of critical opinions. I never once saw Jesus judge or criticize when dealing with human kind. I recently came across this quote and it really made me realize that these people who act this way must be wounded and unhealed people hence why they behavior in that manner. Here is the quote; "Regardless of how broken an individual you meet may be, you have the ability to become a healing presence to them. You do that by recognizing their integrity as a human being and respecting it. You can bring them into aliveness with affirming words. Never assume you know what is best for them. Offer them the kind of help that empowers them to the degree that their own faith brings them wholeness and well being."

How true it is that we must be Christ like in all manners and in all places! Always showing the fruits of the Spirit despite if we are in the real world or in cyber world. 

Greatful Eyes behold Grace and Glory

So I have been doing a lot of reading, self discovery (yeah well it never ends when your in a relationship with God) and having many intimate encounters with God and it has me very confident that I am becoming who God destined me to become. Not just on the outside but also internally!




I have come to the conclusion that the body of Christ needs to know who they are as individuals and corperately in Christ. We need to know both personally and corperately who we are with other people as well. Letting people know us, being honest about our feelings, and fears is one way to live by faith. if honest living is difficult generally, it is more difficult in relationships with a romantic potential. We need to take off the fig leaves and be naked and unashamed, knowing God has us covered.
 
We need each other as male and female to be fully human, fully Christian, fully the church and fully able to reflect the image of God. Men and Women who work together within the family of God honor God's intentions for the human creation. Common cause and purpose, as well as common values and means, are basic for healthy male-female friendships. Too many friendships today begin and end on the touchy-feely premise that functions only on the energy of the relationship itself.  We need each other and we need healthy friendships. Friendships that focus on greater than those playing the role of friends. We are called to a greater and deeper assignment than just being in friendships with people. God has assigned folks in our lives to help unlock the doors needed to our destiny and for us to help unlock doors for others.
 
What we do together with common values and purpose helps define the edges of who we are in the relationship. Who we are in the relationship fosters the commonality of purpose and values held in the friendship that together serves God's greater intention for his creation.  To many friendships fail from becoming ingrown and selfish. Yes even in the body of Christ this can happen that is why it's important to know who you are in Christ and know that God has you covered so that the the enemies attacks to put a wedge in the friendship touch you not.
 
True faith trusts God to keep his promises. A heart that recognizes how easily it can be decieved, especially by the promise of good things, is a heart that learns to trust God's goodness fully. So my question is Do you trust God fully?
 
 
Start today to trust God even in the area of friendships, I know I have and I have put down the fig leaf and come out of hiding and since I have God has allowed me to make some great friends, unveiled my beauty, released me to dance again, freed me from many things that were produced from ungodly behavior birthed out of many insecurities that I am now free from since I made the decision to position myself for acceptance with out having to work hard! I just let down the mask, and let the beauty be seen!

Single, Sassy, Satisfied

So I must admit I am not really fond of being in situations where I feel threatened by folks who have competitive behavior. I have never been one who has had to compete for anything and I will not start now! I know I am confident with who I am and with what the Will of God is for my life. So I won't allow anyone with insecurities to intimidate me. I will simply keep focusing on God and his Will for my life and in the end I will win!

So I started my new job today and now will be working 2 jobs 5 days a week! I have to say that this job is truly a blessing and is with some of the best kids I know! I may have to get up at 5am and be here by 7am, work both jobs til 11pm and not get home til midnight and get up and do it all over for the next 4 days but I love it! I am blessed beyond measure to be able to babysit these two kids! They are great.

So we are reading this book called Captivating and I must admit while its a good book, I am having a hard time getting into it...perhaps its because I don't have a lot of time to read during the week so I cram it in during the weekend. Or perhaps, its because the book is just not for this season of my life. But I am commited to reading it and will follow through with my commitment! I have to say that there are a few small selections from with in the book I do find very Captivating and Intreging to say the least. Perhaps, I will share those at a later date.

I went for a 2 mile walk Saturday and had a wonderful workout at the gym as well. I took some random pictures of what I seen while walking and I must say the sights although natural and common spoke to me and thus leading to my snapping a captured moment via photography. I have seen the most amazing sunsets the last two nights and I was left speechless both nights at the amazing artistry of the hand of God. Then today on my drive into work I got to share the most beautiful moment with my daughter as we were stopped at a 4 way stop. There were 2 large open fields on both sides and we casted our eyes on the one to the left of us as we sat at the stop sign and noticed a deer grazing amongst it. We rolled down the windows to get a better view (fog on the windows from the morning dew) and the deer was staring at us. We watched it for about 2 minutes letting the image of what we saw soak deep with in us! Breath taking to say the least, Amariah (my daughter) waived to the deer as we began to drive away! We got to experience 3 more moments like that as we drove to work. God truly made some beautiful creatures that live on this earth!

So I have to admit this week is looking good for me. Friday, was my daughter's father and me breakfast at her school and while her dad is absent from her and due to the recent divorce of my mom and her husband (now ex) grandpa has left the scene as well, so our pastor stepped in and took her to the school breakfast. She had the most amazing time and the smile on her face was priceless, even when friends asked if that was her dad. She said confidently "No, he's better than a dad, He's my pastor." I have been blessed beyond measure this year and to know the year is not over yet makes me anticipate more blessings and greatness!

I have come to the revelation that God has me covered because the last 5 weeks folks have been slinging verbal knives my way and trash talking me; while I know this I have not been affected by these attacks. I have been able to go about life as if nothing is wrong. I only know that they are attacking me because I have been praying and God revealed this to me. I even recently spent time with one of those people and was able to find myself smiling while in their presence. Loving your enemies can be easy if you know your covered by God and if you know that nothing can harm you. Not even gossip, trash talk, verbal assult against character or integrity! I also found I have a great Pastor who has started putting folks in their place for trash talking me! He has even went to the extent of taking folks out of so called leadership roles for the way they speak against me! God is true to his word, touch not the anointed and do them no harm! I know I am anointed and I know I am God's Princess so I know he has me covered from head to toe, left to right, front and back! I entered a new season of my life in Feb. of this year and while I find it hard to put into words what transformations have taken place inside me, I know they have occurred and I know they are for the better, I no longer find the things of the past to bug me or care what folks think of me. While yes a level of accountability is required I don't care anymore who says what, God is my advocate and will judge them according to their words!

I am excited about a few other new changes in my life that are taking place also as I position myself deeper in God.The more I become intimate with God the more I find that relationships don't seem to matter anymore! I know that in time God will bring me into meeting that I carry his missing rib! I am confident that God has this area covered for me as well, I no longer find myself worrying about it, but instead enjoying where I am now! I find myself skipping in the stores, smiling as I drive, singing as I work and just happy all around! I even was twirling around after church like a little girl in a sun dress in a field of flowers! I went to bed with a smile on my face after having the greatest night out with a few amazing folks! The drive home as the sunset and seeing the focused, deep in thought look on the faces of those riding with me was the highlight of my night! The fact that I knew they were thinking about God and the awesomeness he is and created made me smile! It was like watching a school age child astounished by the sight of something for the first time! Truly spectacular! I'd do it over and over if given the chance! Moments like that are what create memories that last forever!

(Untitled for now)

With one look in your eyes,

I see freedom,

I see joy,

With one look in your eyes,

I feel love,

I feel peace,

With one look in your eyes,

I know all fear is gone,

I know who you are,

With one look in your eyes,

I embrace the hand of God,

I embrace art at its finest point,

With one look in your eyes,

I experience more than what meets the eye!

Inspiration always occurs for me with one look into the eyes. Inspiration comes in many ways for me...but its moments like this where the eyes unlock the window to one's soul and the deep calls unto the deep!

well its time for me to bid a sweat and sorrow farwell for now, but perhaps later I shall venture to write more, til then be blessed and know your highly favored of God!

The Deep Calleth to the Deep

Punky writes: Biting my tongue twiddling my thumbs... Ill smile and nod and be the puppet that you long me to be. Ill paint a pretty heart on my cheek and stare with painted eyes and red lips that are curved into a smile. Ill flash my rosy cheeks at you and let you tell me where to move and what to say. Ill give and give til I have nothing left, and wait til I get wore out just so you can throw me away and replace me with another puppet that has no flaws... Its a good thing that these eyes are painted, so no one can see the tears come spurting out of my eyes... And everyone will read this and think its about one thing, not knowing that really it has nothing to do with that at all... Because u see I'm a puppet, and puppets don't have feelings after all...

Wilbur writes: very very very good! ahh but when the puppet comes to life and cuts the strings then the party begins...while then the only tears shed are from the one who assumed they were in control, for you see even a good puppet has the ability to fight and win. Never see a good man down they say..well I say never let them see what new move the puppet has ... See Morelearned to do! For perhaps they are the puppet and you the one who controls their strings?? hmm ever thought the the answer doesn't lay within the puppet master's hand but in the heart of the puppet? hmm now for those who assume well bend over puppet and let them see the crack between the lines and for there is the real smile! and the only the ignorant have painted eyes. For in the eyes of the puppet will be found the depth of the soul. For every puppet has a heart beat, blood running in the veins, So dance my puppet for you are free indeed!

Punky writes: I see you understood it Can :) see this is just something I wrote to vent about the past a little... I was thinking and it came out like this... And indeed the puppet can be freed... But it takes a certain someone to free them... Jesus :)

Wilbur writes: Dearest, Jimminie cricket, I write thee for the sake of Pinochio you must begin to speak for in your voice will all others be silent, with you guidance will Pinochio find freedom. For is it not in riddles we speak? Parables that we come with? But the depth of the heart and the bottled tears we bring, for in our alabaster box we sacrifice the finest... See More of all! So think it not strange that you see the trail of blood that follows behind, for its that of the wounded trying to self heal as we stumble to the throne room of the Great I am pulling out the knives of those we once called friends...For though we are on the quest may the whale pass by for we are not Jonah as most may assume. We are mere soldiers who have found our way home after a long and hard battle out on the field. For no one knows the sights we have seen, no one knows what defeats we faced, yet here we stand after the fight...Sunset, and gentle breeze is all we have to remind us that we made it home from the war. Family is gone, Friends were burried at sea and time cause that one to move on.....Patients and God are what we clinge to now with a knowing that these old puppets can in deed breathe again!

Clearer Vision on What I Deserve!

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside." 1 Cor 13:11 AMP








Looking for the real man I am worthy of having this time around no more boys!

The Lips of the Untaimed Beast

"Loose lips sink ships..." an oldie but a goodie..Now if folks would just get ahold of this and realize the impact their words have on others. I am fastly approaching 30 years of age and find it annoying to say the least that folks find enjoyment, fulfillment, pleasure and satisfaction in gossip. I mean seriously, what benefit does really come from it? Oh wait the benefit of not having to be reminded that their junk smells or perhaps that they even have junk in their trunk they need to deal with. I mean seriously GROW UP!

It doesn't offend me that my name is being broadcasted by the mouths of many 'haters' or 'liars' but what does bother me is that these folks DO NOT know me..they haven't even spent time with me to allow the foolish utterings to be true. They are speaking from the garbage can they call a heart because of some deep seeded issue they have yet dealt with in their life. Which saddens me really. Because I know what it is like to have issues so deeply rooted that it affects me and others. However, I have gotten them removed and have changed the behavior those rooted issues have caused. Does that make me better than these folks...NO....JUST sets me up to be an expert in this area to help them become one too! Psalm 101:5 is I guess where I am coming from on this topic (as in Bibical foundation).

I went to the gym today and did a cardio workout...I am hoping to have the money for a personal trainer starting next week so that I can get to the weight lifting so I can tone and firm...but til then I will do what I can on my own and focus on keeping a positive mindset on this new adventure.


Well I must now go grab lunch and venture off to work where I will sit til 10:30pm again and then head home to be back to work at 6:30am til 5:30pm...Oh how I love to make money...lol well just have the needs met and the desires fulfilled that is!

Until next time let me challenge you with this....

What you say has the power to affect others...So How are you affecting others? Positive speech will result in positive affects and negative speech affects people to the core of their being and will last longer than positive, so start speaking positively about folks and to them and see yourself grow!

Oh and beware of the emotional vampires who will bleed you dry!

The New Adventure Part 2

So I have been doing a lot of thinking okay well not really a lot...more like normal thinking for me that ends up anylizing and thinking then anylizing and repeating that process again and again...on several issues that are faced on a day to day basis. And while I am not certain on the reason we face them or what they are to teach us the journey continues. And I have descovered a lot of things about myself along the way.

I am for one sick of folks judging me and assuming that I am someone/something I am not. I am greatful for the people in my life who understand what it means to truly have my back and to cover me from darts of drama, gossip and other malicious acts both verbal and non verbal.

I find it funny how folks know they do me wrong yet try to be all chummy buddy as if I don't know they are holding knives to stab me with while hugging me...Seriously, I find everything out..why...cuz that's how I role! lol

I also have learned that forgiveness is a choice and that I must forgive those people who malicious attacks so that I don't harbor bitterness and block forgiveness when I am in need of it.  However, I have also learned just because a person says "sorry" doesn't mean that they are repenting or even asking for forgiveness. Sorry just means they got caught, repentance means they acknowledge their wrong and are determined to refrain from that behavior in the future because they are away of the wrong it holds and damage it does.  So I am no longer looking for appologies but sincere repentance for wrong done me.

Kindness goes a long way I have learned, when folks run their mouth and trash talk me, I use a very wise tactic of killing them with kindness and love.  It has gotten me a long way.  In fact it almost always sets me up for promotion/growth!

Well seing how I am at work and I shouldn't be on here I suppose I will end now and pick up where I left off when I get home. Besides I need to read the a few chapters in a book our young adults group is reading for our devotion/bible study time together...Its called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge...not really digging it but I will force myself to read and learn from it....who knows it may get better than the first 3 chapters...just got to keep reading to see....

I have nothing wise or profound to leave you with so

*Chow

The New Adventure Part 1

So I have started the process of lossing weight. I went and did my orientation at the gym yesterday. The trainer gave me a 25 minute work out and man can I feel my hamstrings..lol I am so out of shape it's sad. I go back at 9am tomorrow for a one hour workout.

I am excited I really am, just scared cuz I don't have the money for the trainer 3 days a week like I want to have. So for a while I will have to do it on my own. Not a good thing...I like that motivation, accountability and that security of knowing someone is there to show me where I messed up if not using the equiptment right.  I hate tackling new adventures alone. However, it seems that is the story of my life...Adventures alone!

I have learned over the last week several things about myself but right now my legs are killing me and I am exausted so that portion will have to wait til tonight to type. My friend and her son should be over here anytime for breakfast...yum yum! I love cooking for folks!

I work til 10pm tonight so til then for the next portion of the blog have a great day!

Bring It

So my weekend was full of adventure and a whole lot of questions. I don't like it when I KNOW folks are causing drama for me, I don't like KNOWING folks are spitting out my name added with a lot of lies and gossip, but what I HATE, is when they do this thinking I DON'T know what they do in the secret. I mean seriously do they not know that their lies, gossip and trash talk won't get back to me? I am learning however, to walk in love despite how they treat me. I am realizing that God will use irritating people to push me towards my destiny..So God, does this mean I am at the door cuz there be a lot of irritating people in my face lately...lol!!!

I have to say having my friend Rebekkah over this weekend has helped me smile and take my mind off this garbage...Well it's another Terrific Tuesday and I got to shower and get ready for work, will return later to post more...

*chow

Breakfast at Tiffany's without Tiffany! lol

So I am up and getting ready for work, I am having my friend and her kid over for a late breakfast early lunch before work. I enjoy socialization if you haven't figured it out by now! I mean seriously living in a cave all alone is not healthy or fun I am always looking to spread my wings and fly into a social setting. Now once I get there I may be found just watching but at least I am there! lol

Well I found out that my daughter is going to grandma's for the night so I that leaves me home alone! AGHHH! lol Whatever shall I do?? lol  Perhaps I will finish putting all the laundry away when I get home I am sick of seeing all the clean clothes in baskets or nice folded piles on my bedroom floor. How did we ever accumilate all these clothes? Seriously, if you came over you'd think there were like 3 girls living her just based on clothes. I have done all the weeding out of clothes too! My My!!

I have more to say but the time is short tune in again after 10pm to find out what happens in part two of my day!

*chow

Mommy's Tears

I was awakened at 3am to "Mommy I have to go potty" so I replied "go baby then go back to bed." I hear the most blood crudling scream coming from the bathroom followed by "mommy there is blood in the potty" I jump from bed run to the bathroom to discover my daughter is bleeding. She is only 5 years old. I call my mom since I knew she'd be up because I know her schedule to talk to her a minute. Then I decide to take my daughter to the emergency room. I am glad I did. Turns out she has a very bad bad urinary track infection that is causing blood in the urine. Of course they gave her an antibiotic and her first dose while she was there then sent us on our way. We came home she went back to bed so of course I did too and we didnt wake up til 11am. I was advised to stay home today with her because she is having a lot of accidents and needs to be at home drinking a lot of water and cranberry juice. So I am going to take that and be obedient and keep her home.

That is all for now!

What Does It Mean To Be a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N?

Everyone knows that to be a Christian is more than just Sunday church services, small group Bible studies and potlucks, right? I mean, we've heard from the pulpit or from the scriptures, "God want's more than two hours a week on Sunday morning, He wants your heart, He wants your whole life."

So, since we know this, what more is there in our lives and in our hearts to testify of our faith? If church on Sunday is a given, and Bible study is squeezed in between dinner and bed on Thursday, what else is there??

What does that even mean? "...God wants your heart." He wants our complete obedience? He wants to do everything He tells us to do? He wants us to go to church and never miss? Is it simply that He wants us to do a number of daily tasks--read our Bible, smile and say thank you, go to church, and be joyful always? And if we do these things we've granted His request for our hearts?

We say, "well, no. I don't think that's it. I think there's more to it than that."

Okay, so, what is it? I mean, we're Christians, right? And if being a Christian is more, more than church services, Bible-reading, table manners and PG movies, then we should do something more, something in addition, right?

To be a Christian means to "be as Christ," or, "little Christ." That's all of it. That's what it means to be a Christian. But, the catch is that anything less than this will not be sufficient. Anything less means you're no different from the guy or girl who knows NOTHING of Jesus, who's never stepped into church or said a prayer.

We say, "Well, that's impossible. Jesus was perfect. He never sinned. He always did what was right, even when he was tempted to do wrong. He helped the poor...lived with them actually, he made long trips just to heal someone or help them with their struggles. He walked everywhere he went, and, well you just can't do that today, cities are much larger and time is too scarce... He always told people the truth, even if they wouldn't like hearing it... He spoke to large crowds about life and truth and baptized people and prayed for them, I mean He was a a real leader, the GREATEST leader, and I don't even like talking in front of my small group Bible study... God can't possibly ask me to be like HIM???"

Yet, that is the truth we find, read, and re-read throughout the Scriptures. We must be like Him. Anything less isn't enough. Thank God for grace.

Sing the Melody from Within

Sing, sing, don't stop keep singing,

"I am trying, I really am, its hard"

Push, don't let the circumstances you face or that suround you silence your song"

"I am pushing, I just don't know if I can keep pushing. even the strong get weak at times."

Ever feel like that is the coversation you have when life throws more on your shoulders than you think you can handle? I know there have been times when I have been the one screaming I am singing my song but it hurts.....and then there have been times when I have been found guilty of just giving up and letting the inner song fade deep into the darkness of piling high circumstances.......and falling into a "pity party" because it was easier than pushing through while singing loud my hearts song.


So lets assume you have gotten to a place where you have forgotten the lyrics to the song that you sing? Or perhaps you have come to the place where you question the importance of even singing your song when it seems like nothing is changing....

Well for me I found that my song was a bit of strength for me and the more I sang the more I seen myself gain determination to keep my head held high and push through whatever was facing me. I often say I am not that strong, but I have found that I am stronger than I really give myself credit for.....

Okay so back to what do you do if the song you sing has become a silent memory and your longing to sing again....

1. Remember that nothing is worth letting your song die.
2. Everything we face is to help us sing louder despite the "pushing process"
3. Memorize and Believe Isaiah 12:2 " Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid for the Lord is my strength and my song, He is also my salvation."

We know that Jevhovah is our strength but do we make him our song? As we make Him so and sing of Him, we lose our fear. We are able to "trust and not be afraid." Our Redeemer is our STRENGTH so make him your SONG too!

I know some of you are reading this and perhaps you feel that its God that is to blame for your mess, or even loosing your song. But I assure you that isn't the case and if you allow him to be your savior again and begin to sing your song, you will see that He is your strength and your Song will begin to be heard across the drama you face and the obsticles that stand in your way....and perhaps its your song that helps someone else out of the "pit" they are in that has allowed them to loose their song....and they begin to sing their song in turn helping others find their voice, song and purpose in life.

Lessons Learned From The Princess

A great king of a land far away in the East had a daughter who was very beautiful, but so proud and haughty and conceited, that none of the princes who came to ask for her hand in marriage was good enough for her. All she ever did was make fun of them.
Once upon a time the king held a great feast and invited all her suitors. They all sat in a row, ranged according to their rank -- kings and princes and dukes and earls and counts and barons and knights. When the princess came in, as she passed by them, she had something spiteful to say to each one.
The first was too fat: 'He's as round as a tub,' she said.
The next was too tall: 'What a maypole!' she said.
The next was too short: 'What a dumpling!' she said.
The fourth was too pale, and she called him 'Wallface.'
The fifth was too red, so she called him 'Coxcomb.'
The sixth was not straight enough; so she said he was like a green stick that had been laid to dry over a baker's oven. She had some joke to crack about every one. But she laughed most of all at a good king who was there.
'Look at him,' she said; 'his beard is like an old mop; he shall be called Grisly-beard.' So the king got the nickname of Grisly-beard.
But the old king was very angry when he saw how his daughter behaved and how badly she treated all his guests. He vowed that, willing or unwilling, she would marry the first man that came to the door.
Two days later a travelling fiddler came by the castle. He began to play under the window and begged for money and when the king heard him, he said, 'Let him come in.'
So, they brought the dirty-looking fellow in and, when he had sung before the king and the princess, he begged for a gift.
The king said, 'You have sung so well that I will give you my daughter to take as your wife.'
The princess begged and prayed; but the king said, 'I have sworn to give you to the first man who came to the door, and I will keep my word.'
Words and tears were to no avail; the parson was sent for, and she was married to the fiddler.
When this was over, the king said, 'Now get ready to leave -- you must not stay here -- you must travel with your husband.'
So the fiddler left the castle, and took the princess with him.
Soon they came to a great wood.
'Pray,' she said, 'whose is this wood?'
'It belongs to King Grisly-beard,' he answered; 'hadst thou taken him, all would have been thine.'
'Ah! unlucky wretch that I am!' she sighed; 'would that I had married King Grisly-beard!'
Next they came to some fine meadows.
'Whose are these beautiful green meadows?' she said.
'They belong to King Grisly-beard, hadst thou taken him, they would all have been thine.'
'Ah! unlucky wretch that I am!' she said; 'would that I had married King Grisly-beard!'
Then they came to a great city. 'Whose is this noble city?' she said.
'It belongs to King Grisly-beard; hadst thou taken him, it would all have been thine.'
'Ah! wretch that I am!' she sighed; 'why did I not marry King Grisly-beard?'
'That is no business of mine,' said the fiddler, 'why should you wish for another husband? Am I not good enough for you?'
At last they came to a small cottage. 'What a paltry place!' she said; 'to whom does that little dirty hole belong?'
The fiddler said, 'That is your and my house, where we are to live.'
'Where are your servants?' she cried.
'What do we want with servants?' he said; 'you must do for yourself whatever is to be done. Now make the fire, and put on water and cook my supper, for I am very tired.'
But the princess knew nothing of making fires and cooking, and the fiddler was forced to help her.
When they had eaten a very scanty meal they went to bed; but the fiddler called her up very early in the morning to clean the house.
They lived like that for two days and when they had eaten up all there was in the cottage, the man said, 'Wife, we can't go on thus, spending money and earning nothing. You must learn to weave baskets.'
Then the fiddler went out and cut willows, and brought them home, and she began to weave; but it made her fingers very sore.
'I see this work won't do,' he said, 'try and spin; perhaps you will do that better.'
So she sat down and tried to spin; but the threads cut her tender fingers until the blood ran.
'See now,' said the fiddler, 'you are good for nothing; you can do no work. What a bargain I have got! However, I'll try and set up a trade in pots and pans, and you shall stand in the market and sell them.'
'Alas!' she sighed, 'if any of my father's court should pass by and see me standing in the market, how they will laugh at me!'
But her husband did not care about that, and said she would have to work if she did not want to die of hunger.
At first the trade went well because many people, seeing such a beautiful woman, went to buy her wares and paid their money without even thinking of taking away the goods. They lived on this as long as it lasted and then her husband bought a fresh lot of pots and pans, and she sat herself down with it in the corner of the market.
However, soon a drunken soldier soon came by and rode his horse against her stall and broke all her goods into a thousand pieces.
She began to cry, and did not know what to do. 'Ah! what will become of me?' she said; 'what will my husband say?' So she ran home and told him everything.
'Who would have thought you would have been so silly,' he said, 'as to put an earthenware stall in the corner of the market, where everybody passes? But let us have no more crying; I see you are not fit for this sort of work, so I have been to the king's palace, and asked if they did not want a kitchen-maid; and they say they will take you, and there you will have plenty to eat.'
So the princess became a kitchen-maid and helped the cook to do all the dirtiest work. She was allowed to carry home some of the meat that was left over, and they lived on that.
She had not been there long before she heard that the king's eldest son was passing by, on his way to get married. She went to one of the windows and looked out. Everything was ready and all the pomp and brightness of the court was there. Seeing it, she grieved bitterly for the pride and folly that had brought her so low. The servants gave her some of the rich meats and she put them into her basket to take home.
All of a sudden, as she was leaving, in came the king's son in his golden clothes. When he saw such a beautiful woman at the door, he took her by the hand and said she should be his partner in the dance. She trembled with fear because she saw that it was King Grisly-beard, who was making fun of her. However, he kept hold of her, and led her into the hall. As she entered, the cover of the basket came off, and the meats in it fell out. Everybody laughed and jeered at her and she was so ashamed that she wished she were a thousand feet deep in the earth. She sprang over to the door so that she could run away but on the steps King Grisly-beard overtook her, brought her back and said:
'Fear me not! I am the fiddler who has lived with you in the hut. I brought you there because I truly loved you. I am also the soldier that overset your stall. I have done all this only to cure you of your silly pride, and to show you the folly of your ill-treatment of me. Now it is all over: you have learnt wisdom, and it is time to hold our marriage feast.'
Then the chamberlains came and brought her the most beautiful robes. Her father and his whole court were already there, and they welcomed her home. Joy was in every face and every heart. The feast was grand; they danced and sang; everyone was merry; and I only wish that you and I had been there.
The End...But Wait there is more...


After reading this story I was reminded of how much our Heavenly Father loves us, flaws, short comings and all! We are his princesses and yet his bride. Think about that...Here is a king of royalty willing to take us ratty, tattered and torn, broken, bruised, scarred and flawed, and extend mercy and grace that cleans us up and makes us shining and new as if we just stepped out of a salon from an extreme makeover.

There are more times than we can count I am sure where we sell ourself short in areas of life. Yet in God's eyes we are doing a good job. Being our own worse critic can sometimes cause condemnation where conviction isn't. Yet we beat ourselves up time and time again when our Abba Father is saying, "my daughter, its okay...so you messed up, you repented its forgotten. Relax, Rest, Tomorrow is a new day." Yet we somehow feel as if he isn't being sincere so we keep trying to perfect ourselves. When we really need to heed to his voice and breathe, start fresh when the sun comes up. Had the above princess in the story had not let her pride get in the way..she perhaps could of cut a lot of crap out of her journey to the castle of her new husband. When we humble ourselves to the Will, Voice and Guidance of God we too can save ourself a lot of crap (talking from experience). So my fellow princesses let's learn from this prideful princess (in the story) and take a position of being humble, teachable and Christlike Character so we can advance to the next place with/in God!

My Love Story

Its in the secret place where I feel your embrace, with every intimate encounter we share my love for you grows stronger. No one knows I crave for these times, for with you I am complete. Only you could come out of the grave holding all power and authority and all the while molding me and into your image day by da. I will do my best not to defile our sacred chamber of romance, for when Im with you I find rest. No one compares to you my love, your joy unspeakable your touch undeniable. You’ve awakened my heart stirred my spirit and settled my soul. You have many names yet you play no games, You love so genuinely and unconditionally yet I tend to be selfish and limiting. How can this be my dear love? When I am with you there is no fear cuz I know your always near. I’ve experienced you for myself so I know that your not a myth. They said taste and see how good you are but to me you are great! You’re the lover of my soul, the best I know, my friend, my redeemer, My council, my joy, my abba, my fair one, my judge, my advocate, the great I am who loves and is by far is the best love I could have!

Candace, That's Me

It was one of those days today where the head was just spinning round and round and around....and wouldnt stop..no folks I wasnt hung over, or drinking..I was doing what I always do and that is think! I know right call the press, alert the media Candace thinks...lol I think way too much if you ask me....I was blessed (I've been told) with a very anylitical brain which means it never shuts down...if put up against the energizer bunny in a race my brain would leave the bunny hoping in the dust as it flies down the track! Seriously I think I am the only human with a brain that goes 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 mph. I know right seems impossible yet alone hard to even translate into numberical verbal language...


So I should be sleeping by now but like I said my head is keeping the rest of me awake and no matter what I do, say, pray or try here I am plunking away at the keyboard on the laptop cuz I see no zzzzzz's in my near future...

So I will sit here and feel as if I am rambling about nothing when in fact I do have a lot to say...the question is are you listening, reading or hearing? I work with kids as most my readers know and they will say the funniest things and tend to catch you off guard...when you least expect it with what they say....for example tonight while giving my daughter a bath I stepped out of the bathroom to take a call from my dearest and most missed Amber. So Im sitting on my bed talking to Amber when I hear "I love my mommy, She loves me, but why Im sitting in the tub all alone I dont know, I love my mommy oh so much, she loves me but leaves me in the tub, My mommy I love and mommy loves me, but in the tub I sit alone..." I started cracking up laughing so hard because my daughter is 5 and she takes bathes all the time and sits for like 5-10 minutes alone in there playing while i start dinner or get a drink or change clothes from work..but tonight she was full of random humor and decided to sing a song about it....that's like the other day at the park, Saturday to be exact...she ended up being the only kid there..can you believe a park with only one kid in it on such nice warm wheather? I mean seriously...we spent 2 hours outside at that park and she was the only kid...well I played with her of course but I will only do so much time on swings...so I sat down to take a texting break and look up and she has six swings just a flying in the air..she is doing her best not to let any one of them stop swinging..when I ask her what she is doing..she laughs and says "Mommy, duh Im swinging my kids...see 1,2,3,4,5,6 kids they all want me to push them..." we laughed so hard...she never has a dull moment that is for sure! So yeah I enjoy every moment with my kid!

Ya know what I hate? not sleeping..I know so deep right..Well if I didnt have a this brain I'd be sleeping a very deep sleep right now...and for all those who want to know...I do not snore...I do however, toss and turn when I am in my bed alone...which reminds me..Amariah has been sleeping in her bed for 2 months straight now..she gives me no fuss, no fights, goes in and gets in bed...I am super dee dupper lee proud of her for this..its a huge ordeal..you have no idea! I sleep in my bed alone and she sleeps wild woman style in her bed....I get a pain free night and she sleeps great too! No waking up after like 30 minutes of sleep to a foot in my back, nose or head butted by her thrashing around in my bed like she owns it! lol I cant tell you how proud I am of her! She is blossoming into an amazing little girl..who is growing up so fast...Yes she has her sassy moments, but hello have you met her mom? lol giggle giggle...and yes she has her little head swirling, neck rolling moments too but again HELLO....have ya met her mom?? She however is a smart little whipper snapper too, but hey I am her mom and I am smart too....just not in the area of picking a man...DO NOT GO THERE....I SAID STOP...

Fine, I will go there for ya...I know my past guys were all jerks, scum and didnt deserve one minute of my time, yeah I know...I sure do know how to pick them...I pick them like I pick my nose...lol wow some of you just got a visual of me picking my nose...well then here see the green slimy booger? lol well that is about the flavor of what guys I have dated..lol slimmy...but that all is changing...yup yup Me and God had a serious talking the other day...and well He won! He got his point across LOUD AND CLEAR! and it was confirmed on a nightly walk with my friend E....who as we were talking (E and I not God and me) E made a comment and it was very ego blowing at first but I knew it was truth and well though I wanted to hit E dead in the face he is a lot taller so my fist would never meet his face less I stand on a step stool and since we were outside and no step stool was around, I refrained from hitting him..your welcome E since I know your reading this...lol No I really didnt want to hit him...or did I??? lol but the comment he made did hit home and began to get me searching my heart, mind and soul oh and spirit as to what I really want in a man....and that led me straight to God's arms where I began to talk to him on this issue...and pour out my heart...desires, wants, needs and all that lovely jazz in the area of what kind of guy I want to find me...and He reminded me of that...to stop looking....He told me to continue falling in love with him (again this is God talking not E) and as I do He will send my man to me...I must position myself in God so that my future husband can find me in God while pursuing for himself God....yeah I know deep..oooohhh oooohh..lol

Truth is, there is more that God revealed to me but guess what.....that's for me to know and you to watch me walk out! That's right I am leaving you hanging...ooooh what ya going do stop reading, yeah right, you are already addicted and love me so much you cant stay away! heee heee giggle giggle...All my readers by now know my silly giddy sense of humor by now so I wont even try and explain....

Which has me thinking again...Since the beginning of this year there have been drastic changes in me...and a lot of folks be seeing them and pointing them out....which is a bit much for me..but I'm learning to allow them to compliment me...These changes are of course all for the good and I a loving them like a folks be loving McDonald's! I personally don't like McDonald's but hey to each their own...

Wow its 2 am and my munchkin just woke up and asked me if I was still on my laptop...lol well guess I need to head off to dream land....but peter pan hasn't arrived yet to sprinkle me with tinkerbells fairy dust so I can fly...what-ever shall I do? I know hold his hand tight and don't let go...as we fly off to dream land....oh wait that was never never land...my bad, well perhaps the ninja will come and take me into dreamland.... yeah.... ninja...

oooh how this night ninja is so handsome and so dreamy, He is amazing... He has a lot of the qualities in him that I have been praying a man has....This ninja has an amazing heart for God, His passion for God is constantly taking him into a deeper walk with God...Ninja isn't fake, he isn't drama. Ninja is a breath of fresh air to me...I can take off the hair and be me around him..the me God designed me to be...no fears, no worries, no drama, no anything but the Me I am when I am not hiding or afraid to be seen...The me who is and was created by God....oh Ninja if only you knew how much you are an answer to prayers...I am so thankful God told us both the same night to get to know each other..and we are obeying...you make me smile sincerely with a sincere smile, because you see the real me...you see me for who I am, not what I do...you appreciate me for who I am not what I offer, you encourage me when I have my moments of drop kicking folks....and you inspire me to take things in my walk with God deeper...You inspire me to not give up on my dreams as I watch you pursue yours, You inspire me to be a better me and to love me better even if that means taking better care of me...and not neglecting myself for the sake of others....You are a God send and I hope I am Your Angel....God knew what he was doing when we became friends....and I am honored to be in your life....What I wrote on the back pages of the black bonded book of life I gave you...I meant them all!

okay enough...see I told you my mind never stops...but I must force it now too or you readers will be up along with me and that is by far to cruel to ask of you....

So till next time.....just keep swimming swimming swimming swimmming in life...don't let yourself drown or give up....

Inner Heart Song

Ever just have one of those days...where you want to scream, cry and stomp your feet? I did and today was the day....I have never been so vulnerable in my life..

I am seeking you,Oh Lord
Seeking your face, My God
Seeking your Will, Oh Father,

I am running after you,
I am running after you,
I am running after you, Oh Lord,

I am chasing after you,
I am chasing after you,
I am chasing after you, Oh Lord

Running to you with all that I have
Running to you with all my fears
Running to you just 'cuz your you

Lord, you know what is troubling me tonight, I cast this issue to you..take these feelings and do as you please...stop this head of mine...I trust you and give you complete access to my life...

I love you Abba Father....

The Journey of Love

Just when I think I have mastered loving people, God calls me to walk, learn and go deeper in the area of Love. It’s a stretching proccess but one I am willing to go. He never promised it to be easy, He never said there wouldn’t be trials or obsticles. In fact, I have had to pull knives out of my back several times from folks God told me to LOVE… I cant be responsible for what a person does with the love that I give, I am just responsible for demonstrating, activating and releasing this Love and trusting God to do with it at his will.
The journey to loving is far from over for me in fact, it just started on the right path about a year ago for me… Being in dead end relationships most my life caused me to have a “fuzzy image” of what REAL LOVE is all about. Yeah, sure I knew what real love was but other than experiencing this REAL LOVE from my Heavenly Father, I had yet experienced it here in “human form”. I have learned it is very hard for the average person to walk in this REAL LOVE because of many reasons…It isn’t until we open our hearts first to receive God and his love for us that we can begin to open our hearts to release or receive LOVE from people.
Everyone has a love language that they speak learning that language is a very important key in receiving and activating love in our lives. I have learned my love language may be way different than the one that I am to pour out my love to therefore, I must learn their love language so that I can see that my love is indeed being accepted/rejected and when love is being poured into my life (after all we all speak a different love language).
Now, note that I am talking about love in many forms, from God to us, from us to God, to us from others (friends) or from a spouse to a spouse. Yes, God wants us to love our friends, He even wants us to love our enemies…Imagine that, loving someone who “hates you”!
I believe that we all have this dark underestimation of ourselves. Sometimes it is masked as arrogance, overestimation, superiority, but underneath the brashness he problem is insecurity and only unqualified, unmerited, unconditional love can assuage it.
I also believe, the Lord does not look so much at the magnitude of anything we do as at the love with which we do it. If we accomplish what we can, His Majesty will see to it that we become able to do more each day. We must not begin by growing weary; but during the whole of this short life, which for any one of you may be shorter than you think, we must offer the Lord whatever interior and exterior sacrifice we are able to give Him, and His Majesty will unite it with that which He offered to the Father for us upon the Cross, so that it may have the value won for it by our will, even though our actions in themselves may be trivial.
I have learned along this journey that:
Love is an act of endless forgiveness.
If we want the advantages of love, then we must be willing to take the risks of love. And that requires vulnerability. Of course, we can refuse this path and trod another one devoid of openness. But the toll on such a road is extremely high.

It is wonderful how the exercise of one's will in a matter like this will eventuate in the correct emotions. Determining to wish that person's good; deliberately trying to do something loving for him; and praying for him - all this will some day bring about the emotion of love itself. But love, as the Bible interprets it, is an affair of the will, not necessarily of the emotions.
Our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously - no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner - no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment.
Open your hearts to the love God instills... God loves you tenderly. What He gives you is not to be kept under lock and key but to be shared.
Faith tolerates a moderate love of ones fellow man no more than it tolerates a moderate love between God and man.
Instead of allowing yourself to be unhappy, just let your love grow as God wants it to grow. Seek goodness in others. Love more persons more... love them more impersonally, more unselfishly, without thought of return. The return, never fear, will take care of itself.
The way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul until you find a crack, and then gently pour your love into that crack.
The proof that you love someone is not that you have warm affectionate feelings toward them. The proof is in your actions, your words and your sacrifice, your willingness to give the best of yourself and your willingness to get nothing in return.
Christianity is not about ideas but about deeds inspired by love.
Romantic love is blind to everything except what is lovable and lovely, but Christ's love sees us with terrible clarity and sees us whole. Christ's love so wishes our joy that it is ruthless against everything in us that diminishes our joy. The worst sentence Love can pass is that we behold the suffering which Love has endured for our sake, and that is also our acquittal. The justice and mercy of the judge are ultimately one.
There are many who want me to tell them of secret ways of becoming perfect and I can only tell them that the sole secret is a hearty love of God, and the only way of attaining that love is by loving. You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so you learn to love God and man by loving. Begin as a mere apprentice and the very power of love will lead you on to become a master of the art
Love does not inquire into the character of the recipient but it asks what he needs. It does not love him because he is such-and-such a person but because he is there. In all this it is quite the opposite of natural love: it "does not seek its own". It does not perform the characteristic natural impulse of love and life. Therefore it is basically independent of the conduct of the other person; it is not conditional but absolute. It wants nothing for itself but only for others. Therefore it is also not vulnerable. It never 'reacts" but is always "spontaneous", emerging by its own strength - rather, from the power of God. Love is the real God-likeness of man for which he has been created. In so far as love is in man he really resembles God and shows himself to be the child of God.


*Originaly written back in April 2010 and posted on my facebook page.