Thought Provoking Topic Today

I found this today during my devotion time and thought I'd share it since I know several people including myself who will benefit from this blog! Please don't be alarmed by the length, just read it and let it minister to you the way it did me!

How Bitterness Affects Us

by Charles F. Stanley



Do you become critical of certain people the moment their names are mentioned? Is there anyone in your past upon whom you would enjoy taking revenge? Did somebody reject you years ago in such a way that still hurts when you think about it?



If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you might be harboring unforgiveness. The Bible warns us not to allow resentment to get a foothold in our lives. The book of Hebrews tells us to “see to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Heb. 12:15).



For the believer, resentment is never the right response to suffering, no matter what people have done to us. We may not even be consciously aware that we are nursing bitterness, but its consequences are subtle and many.



Physical Illnesses



Bitterness is like a continually running machine that uses our bodies for its energy source. Medical professionals consistently are finding links between the way our bodies function and the way we think. Resentment, anger, and other negative emotions have been associated with glandular problems, high blood pressure, cardiac disorders, ulcers and a host of other physical ailments.



I saw this illustrated through some friends of mine whom I will call the Browns. Mrs. Brown had cancer, so she and her husband sought the best medical treatment. Her doctor had been studying the relationship between negative emotions and cancer.

Day after day, he went to talk to her about her past. One day, in the midst of their conversation, she began to cry. She confessed bitterness towards her parents that had happened years ago. When she got it all out, she was freed, liberated and forgiven. It is the doctor’s opinion that Mrs. Brown would not have recovered had she not rid herself of that resentment.



“Stained” Relationships



Bitterness causes one person trouble and defiles others. As used in Hebrews 12:15, the Greek word for defile (miaino) means “to stain” or “to dye.” The resentment we harbor will stain our relationships. This is one reason why there are so many separations, divorces and broken homes.



One couple I counseled illustrates this principle. Despite the wife’s best attempts to love her husband, she couldn’t break through his hardened emotional wall. Through counseling, we discovered that he couldn’t forgive his mother for dying when he was twelve. He was mad at his mother for leaving him, and his anger was staining his marriage.



Bitterness can paralyze us. Even when we genuinely want to love another person, we can’t. Spouses, parents and children wonder why they can’t break through the barrier and experience genuine love. But deep inside, these people may find themselves infected by roots of anger and resentment, even simmering hatred.



Bitterness has so many little sprouts to it. Distrust is one of them. Insecurity is another. When the Bible says to “see to it that … no root of bitterness (springs) up,” it is because the consequences are so awesome and ongoing.



Spiritual Stumbling Blocks



Bitterness creates a cloak of guilt. We know we shouldn’t feel the way we do toward others, and we know God doesn’t want us to be full of resentment. We sense a barrier between God and ourselves and begin to doubt our salvation.



Bitterness also hinders our influence for Christ. What kind of Christian testimony can we have if we are resentful toward God and toward our neighbors? How can we convincingly talk to others about the forgiveness of God when we refuse to forgive those who have wronged us? When we allow bitterness to take over our lives, it spills over into the lives of those around us.



Ed and Nancy had a story book wedding, and they excitedly made plans for their family. They would have a boy and a girl. Sure enough, their firstborn was a boy. But the second pregnancy had complications, and the doctor told them this would be their last child. Unfortunately—from ....Nancy....’s point of view—their second child was also a boy. ....Nancy.... couldn’t bring herself to love her younger child, blaming him for robbing her of the little girl she always wanted.

Eventually, she divorced Ed for not understanding her and declined custody of either son. Her bitterness destroyed their small family.



How many of us harbor offenses? How many of us are angry adults because we don’t feel loved? We need to deal with negative feelings about those who have hurt or wronged us. An unforgiving spirit is a devastating attitude that none of us can afford. Determine today to let go of bitterness, and be set free to enjoy life again.


Adapted from "The Gift of Forgiveness" (1991).


How To Overcome and be Free of Bitterness
Bitterness often lies beneath our inability to forgive, denying our peace and destroying our relationships. In this study, we’ll examine what the Bible says about bitterness.
A. Bitterness Defined
The Greek word for bitterness (pikria) comes from the root word pik, which means “to cut.” The term refers something cutting and sharp, and it also implies “bitter taste.”
As a response to wrongdoing, bitterness is never acceptable before God. Nothing good ever comes from resentment. It will eat away at us until we are destroyed.
· What does Hebrews 12:15 warn?



B. A Biblical Example
The devastation of bitterness is vividly depicted in the life of King Saul. He began his reign as a respected and favored ruler, but he ended his life in defeat, sorrow, and suicide. The ravages of a bitter spirit were largely responsible for his demise.
The king’s problem likely began with anger towards his Creator for promising the throne to someone else. After Saul blatantly disobeyed God’s instructions, a prophet told him, “The Lord has torn the ....kingdom.. of ..Israel.... from you today and has given it to your neighbor, who is better than you” (1 Sam. 15:28).
By the time David entered the scene, Saul was primed to resent him.
· How did the king react when the people praised the younger warrior? (1 Sam. 18:1-9)



· Why do you think Saul was afraid?



· What would have been a healthy response to David’s victory?



Bitterness eventually develops into scheming and plotting. We might wish circumstances would destroy those who have hurt or offended us. In time, we may even harm them ourselves.
· How did Saul attempt to have David killed? (1 Sam. 18: 20-27)



Bitterness also separates relationships. Notice that Saul sent David out of his presence (1 Sam. 18:13).
· How did the king communicate with David regarding the warrior’s marriage to Michal? (1 Sam. 18:20-27)



When bitterness becomes our master, we may act foolishly and irrationally. Our unhealthiness can injure those closest to us and other innocent people.
· What did Saul do when Jonathan tried to defend David? (1 Sam. 20:27-33)



· How did Saul punish the people from Nob who aided David? (1 Sam. 22:12-19)



C. Power Over Bitterness
When resentment has been growing a long time, its removal is not always instantaneous. As children of God, however, we have the capacity to eliminate all bitterness from our lives.
· What should motivate us to forgive others? (Luke 6:36-37)



Note: Jesus didn’t mean that our heavenly Father will not forgive us if we haven’t pardoned others. Here, Jesus is talking about the forgiveness that affects fellowship within the family of God, not the forgiveness that leads to salvation. The point is that the community of believers is to be a forgiving community, showing mercy to others just as God has shown mercy to them. He wants us to be reconciled to one another.
When we fully comprehend God’s forgiveness toward us, we simply cannot justify holding anyone else accountable.
· Why are we able to forgive others? (Gal. 2:20)



Just as Jesus forgave all who crucified Him, His life within us makes it possible to forgive all kinds of hurts and abuse. Because we are children of God, it’s out of character for us to allow bitter roots to take hold. By faith, we can allow Christ to express mercy through us toward others.
D. Steps to Freedom From Bitterness
As you’ve completed this study, maybe you’ve thought of someone who brings bitter feelings to mind. Follow these steps to find emotional and spiritual freedom.
1. Make a list of the ways in which that person has offended you.
2. Make a list of your own faults.
3. Make a list of things you’ve done for which God has forgiven you.
4. Ask God to help you view that person who has wronged you as a tool in His hand.
5. Ask God to forgive you for your bitterness toward that person.
6. Decide in your heart to assume total responsibility for your attitude.
7. If you feel it’s appropriate and will not cause more problems than it solves, go to that person, confess your bitterness, and ask for forgiveness. Remember, you are assuming responsibility for your attitude; you are not trying to solicit a confession from them.
Closing: We have two choices: We can allow bitterness to destroy us, or we can allow God to develop us into the people He wants us to be. We must choose to view our circumstances as tools God uses to further develop our spiritual lives.
Prayer: Father, thank You for the mercy You’ve graciously shown me. Please give me the ability to forgive those who have wronged me. I want to be completely free from bitterness and its devastating consequences. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Adapted from The Gift of Forgiveness, by Charles F. Stanley. 1991. pp. 133-147.

Insecure People Produce Controlling Behavior Leading to Misery

People crack me up. I find it funny how you folks want to add your profile to their account and then the next day they delete you....Or perhaps its a controling mate that has access to the account that deletes you because they are insecure....in either way it's annoying and a waste of time...hence why now I have my profile set on private and will only accept the real friends to my circle here on myspace.

So I cleaned the bathroom, vaccuumed the house, straightened up our bedroom and even found time to clean out my little girl's closet so that all the clothes she has out grown or doesn't wear can be donated to a local shelter or pregnancy crisis center. There is no use hoarding them when others could use them who need them.

I just need to shower and get myself ready for work but I still have an hour! I managed to even get breakfast made, and my little girl dressed! Imagine that all done by noon and I woke up at 9:30 am! I hauled booty! I am proud of myself. I leave here at 1pm or around 1:30pm so I can run to the grocery store before work to buy some of the stuff I need for dinner tonight and then off to work! I am making a yummy dinner tonight cuz I am in the mood to cook! I pulled out the chicken, I will get the alfredo noodles and the salad stuff on my way to work, thank goodness I can store the salad stuff in the fridge at work til I get out!

My little girl goes to granny nanny's house tonight so I will be able to go through toys and start making room for the christmas gifts. I also will be able to sleep in tomorrow which will be nice for a change. She is excited she loves her sleep overs, she has fun and so does granny nanny! And it helps our relationship by letting us have our space...now don't get me wrong I miss her so much when she is gone, I find myself sleeping in her bed, watching her favorite cartoons, and even drinking out of her little cups, but I do appreciate the break. I went for so long with it being just us, never letting her out of my site and very few sleep overs because with out her I felt incomplete but now, I realize that we both have our own identities and if I live life through her I rob myself of many things and I put extra pressure on her and force her to live a life that may not be waht she wants.....Those who know me know what I mean....I won't even try to explain this paragraph. I just know that we both have fun while missing each other, but it works out!

I just need to take all the trash out now and the house will be in tip top shape when I get home from work. I love coming home to a clean picked up house....Just makes the relaxation period more enjoyable. Know what I mean?

Well for those of you who haven't found my rambling boring, I will begin the blog now! lol

My aunt gave me two books awhile back to read and I must confess I haven't even picked them up to start reading until today when I picked them up to flip through. And well I read a page and realized that I am having fun right now in life...I am drama free, stress free and able to laugh and have fun without being judged and looked at like I'm dumb! I love it....

Ever have a day, week, month or year where you just couldn't take one more small insignificant or even large irritation? I have and they all ended recently...but here's my story if your still reading. It started when I got a letter in the mail telling me I was behind on not one but 3 bills, I got word that my hours at work were being decreased due to the decrease in enrollment, my granny lost her job due to stupid people and their stupid mouth, my house work was piling up and it those who know me know I hate a dirty or cluttery house....so I was at my witts end... I realize there are bigger problems than these but they were wearing me down and the encouragement was decreasing rapidly that all would be better soon. I was becoming blah! I kept looking for some small little lift that would increase my faith, make me smile, even help me see the situation less hectic than it really was. But so far nothing. It wasn't til I decided to start going to the gym that I began to feel the weight of my "burdens" begin to lift..yeah I know some of you are saying did you give them to God...UH DUH I DID! But I didn't see any results with the natural eyes so it was hard to keep the faith. I am human!
I was thrown out of my game of working out when I got sick, I don't enjoy straining my body when it's already in pain and agony...So it was 8 days before I hit the gym again but I feel great. I went to church Sunday and some things took place that even made the weight on my shoulders intensify but I choose to keep my head held high and keep going....I went thursday for my photo shoot with my best friend and it was just what the doctor ordered to regain my joy and eliminate my frustration and irritation!

Speeding up to today 10/14/09 I have realized while in my quiet time with God and even my workout time that there are a lot of hurting people that are hurting in so many ways, Even those who have a deep abiding joy in the Lord can sometimes sag under the weight of all life's garbage. So whenever you see a moment to seize a smile across your face, don't take it forgranted and let it remind you that God does indeed care and love you. Let it be a reminder that despite what your facing God is indeed in control and that no matter what the situation is there is light at the end of the tunnel.....Because it is easier to pull yourself out of the pit than to stay in the pit....

Psalms 9:1-2
"I will praise you Oh Lord, with my whole heart, I will tell of your marvelous works, I will be glad and rejoice in You, I will sing praise to your name O most High"

Proverbs 15:13 read it!

Zephaniah 3:17 has been one of my favorite verses right now....
"The Lord your God in your midst The mighty One will save, He will rejoice over you with singing."
This verse reminds me of how awesome my God is and that Dady does indeed care about me and what I go through and that I need to give him praise despite what my flesh feels like doing because of what it sees or is experiencing...

Well for now I must end this blog, I need to get ready for my adventure in this big big world....lol

*chow*

Go-Go Boots

The other day I started typing a blog on Family Dynamics and I never posted it because like every parent who I am sure tries to blog with kids around I got side tracked! lol

So I decided to try and blog it again....

I was snuggled in bed the other day when I began thinking about Family Dynamics and what makes a family a family...I mean yeah society says a mom and a dad start the process but I am talking deeper than that...I mean think about it, not all families have both parents living in the home, so does that mean those people aren't a family? I know I have heard of disfunctional families, but I am not refering to that...I am talking about what makes a family a family? In today's society there are single parent homes called families, then there are grandparents raising grandchildren and they are called families...And I know of some folks who live what society calls an alternative lifestyle and have children and they are called families...so again I will ask what makes these groups of people families?

Is it the love they hold inside for each other? Is it that they share the same DNA? Is it that they live in the same house? Can claim each other on taxes (well the adult that is can claim the kids)? Or does it go deeper than that? Just something to think about when you see or are around those you call family. There was more thought on this topic but between Friday night and today it was lost somewhere in sleep land! lol

So Saturday I went to lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in over 8 years and it was a great time...We had a great time chatting and catching up....So much that we have missed in each other's lives that we decided to start hanging out more regularly....She lives only 45 minutes from me and well the drive isn't bad so no excuses! lol

Okay so on to a new topic one that was brought up several times this weekend with several different folks in my circle of life.....The Ten Commandments...but before you stop reading here cuz you think it may become a religious blog keep reading...cuz the conversations didnt go that way...lol It started with something on tv I saw and it sparked the thought wow they just committed like 8 of the 10 commandments, which then got me thinking how many have I violated? So I asked my roommate the question..." how many of the 10 commandments have you broken?" we started trying to count....lol and we decided to stop since we don't live under the old law....and Mercy and Grace along with the death of Christ and the shedding of his blood have allowed us to live in the new testimanent! So we laughed and laughed..then the other night last night to be exact the topic came up again with a male friend and we again decided to again stop trying to figure it out because while they are good things to live by, they aren't needed today! Now that doesn't mean I will go out and murder, all though I wanted to this weekend, lol just kidding. Murder isn't something that I am fond of hence why I don't even like the shows like csi or law and order anymore...
It is cold, I opened the blinds today and was greeted with the sight of a rainy day...yuck oh well could be worse could of been snow!
Well I think I have ran out of random topics now that Barney has invaded the tv and is dancing and singing around causing me to become distracted! lol
*Chow*

I Shave My Legs!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Here are the lyrics you all have been waiting for.....lol

I have posted them to share!

I Shaved My Legs!

I gotta new life
You would hardly recognize me I’m so glad
I looked down and seen my legs ooh
Why didn’t I see
Before now I was hairy
Ooo need a razor, razor

I shaved my legs, they were oh so hairy, I shaved my legs
I couldn’t take it they were beyond braiding
I shaved my legs, they were oh so hairy, I shaved my legs
Now they are smooth and silky, no more stubble I look sexy

Under running water
I used my razor it felt so nice, nice
How could I let it go so long
I will take pride
and shave my legs again
oh smooth and silky

I shaved my legs, they were oh so hairy, I shaved my legs
I couldn’t take it they were beyond braiding
I shaved my legs, they were oh so hairy, I shaved my legs
Now they are smooth and silky, no more stubble I look sexy

I shaved my legs, I shaved my legs, I shaved my legs





Hope you all enjoyed the good laugh! Hey Ace of Base had an easy beat to recreate! lol I have way too much time on my hands, however the song is very catchy beware you may find that it got stuck in your head and you start singing it randomly when you least expect it like my room mates daughter did yesterday! lol


BY THE WAY LET THE JOY OF THE LORD BE YOUR STRENGTH!

It's Raining, It's Pouring I'm Not Snoring, But I am Old

So it's been one of those days where I have zero self confidence, feel fat, am tired, so not motivated to do anything, just want to crawl up in bed and sleep the day away, depressed, moody, want to be left alone, and yet I am reminded that I have a child to look after, I have to provide for my family (go to work), keep pushing myself even if I no energy, I have to keep positive or else I will slip away into the dark hole that eats people alive!

I know why am I sharing this, because I believe we all have days where we are forced to elivate ourselves to a level past feeling so that our flesh doesn't rob us of our spiritual blesing! I had to do that today...and while I found my refeshing not so much in the word of God but in a computer game, I have to say that I was indeed refreshed...Not everything we do has to be so spiritual that it makes us become a space cadet. What I needed wasn't a spirtual boost as much as a physical boost. Yeah sure, I have been going to the gym, working, and being active with my daughter but sometimes it goes deeper than that physically.

Saturday night I went bowling and had a blast, the person I went with opened my eyes to somethings while we chatted. Let's just say the conversation after bowling while we drove around gave me another one of what I call "self examination" times....I realized why I am so hesitant to enter a new relationship or try to make a relationship with one of the guys already in my life....I look forward to more bowling times. Despite the competive bowling this person did I was indeed having fun! lol

I went today to look for a halloween costume for me and my daughter. I know we don't so much celebrate as we do enjoy dressing up. I decided I am going to go biker, goth, emo. I bought a few accesories, I have the wigs already, I just need the tattoos and piercings! Which I will get before the the 31st. As far as my little one, I have a few ideas in mind I just need to see which one she likes the best!

I know some of you are reading this and have already condemned me for even entertaining the idea of halloween but get over it.....show me in the Bible where it is wrong to dress up and have a fun time.....I know shun the whole appearance of evil....but really what is evil about dressing up in costumes that are G-RATED???

anyway, enough rambling, I am off to spend time with little ma'ma since she just got home from gymnastics!

*chow*

Go Grease Lighting

I hear your voice, I see you moving, yet I want more, I feel your gentle touch, I smell your presence, yet I want more, I have tasted and know you are good! Lord, I am so greatful that you call me your daughter, I know there are times where I mess up or even fall short of your expectations but I know that you are forgiving and that you are my father and my friend. I have experienced many sides of you and yet I want more. I know that may be a selfish request, but I know I am not satisfied, take me to the next level I will follow. See into me, so I can see into you. I want to be closer to you than I have ever been, I want to move with you, I want to be one in you. Grant me the desires of my heart oh God. From this request to the many petitions I have laid at your feet when I come to you with a heart full of heaviness.
Thank you my Heavenly Father, My closest Friend. What a wonderful day you have planned for me this day! You are so amazing, I am greatful for who you are and what you do in my life. You spoil me day to day and you kiss me every time I walk out that door as the sun shines down on my cheek! I have grown so much in these last years, and despite what I have faced I have come out stronger! Lord you are so wonderful. I love you so much. Thank you for allowing me to come into "sonship" with you....I know where I'd be without you and I don't ever want to go back there. Thank you for allowing Mercy and Grace to be my friends. Thank you for the blood that covers me and washes me clean. Thank you for your love, joy and kindness. Thank You for being all that I need. Thank you for being my redeemer, friend, savior, healer, lover and so much more...My provider, My comfort, My strong tower, My shield, My victory, my manna, the lifter of my head when I am down.

Thank you for your Glory, for being my judge, my advocate, my defense, my morning star, My Jesus, my river. There are so many things that you have been to me, thank you....I have a heart of gradittude and want you to know. You are a forever and lasting God!

My heart is full

but I pull on you more

as I walk through the door

you talk to me telling me of your ways

so let it be known that all of my days

I will serve you oh God

I never want to part from you!

It's in your presence where I can come

It's at your feet that I bring my sacrifice

It's in your arms I know I am sheltered

It's in your voice I know I am being corrected

It's in your word that I am guided

It's in your hand I am being rewarded

It's in YOU!

When I walk in your ways,

I find unmeritted favor,

All sin is erased,

Glory crowns my head,

I see more sides of you,

Mercy and Grace walk before me,

I am covered in you,

Your Ways oh God are what I strive to walk in.

The Dreamer Dreams Again

I'm sitting here listening to my profile song play list and the song Moving Forward is on and it really comforts my spirit to know that God will make all things new for me If I follow Him forward....Here are the lyrics so you get a better idea as to why this blog comforts me…

Moving Forward
By: Free Chapel

I'm not going back

I'm moving ahead

I'm here to declare

In You, old things are made new

Surrender my life to Christ

I'm moving moving forward

What a moment

You have brought me to

Such a freedom

I have found in You, what a healer

You make all things new

Yeah, yeah, yeah

You have risen

With all power in Your Hands

You have given me

A second chance, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

You make all things new

You make all things new

I will follow You forward


Which is confirmation that I am indeed taking the steps to do just that....I had a great blog all typed out this morning before work and when I went to hit preview it disappeared....so I am back at square one with blogging for the day....I have so much on my mind that I can't even begin to find a place to reveal it to you my readers so I won't try....but what I will reveal is that I am more confident than ever that this move that will soon be taking place in my life is God. I drove to work today and began looking around as I drove and realized that it is time for me to leave and plant my family (me and Ami) in a place where we will grow, develop and be used by God. I can't allow myself to be held back any longer....and if I stay here I will be.....I recently am reminded of a prophecy that was released over me that I was indeed moving forward and that the enemy is trying to convince me that I am taking steps backwards but those are lies...I am indeed moving forward...so I have to believe that this desire to move and relocate my family is indeed the next step in moving forward into what God has for me.....I made some phone calls today to start the process for looking into housing for me and Amariah...I will have the information and applications with-in the upcoming week in my hands. I also have started looking online for childcare and schooling options for the two of us. In some ways this is scary and fear could cause me to become paralyzed but I refuse to allow fear to grip me when I have so much confidence and trust in God!

It was prophesied over me last year that 2009 would be my year and so far I haven't made any great strides. Sure there have been some acceleration forward but nothing dramatic like I know God has for me...I also know that its the 9th month in the year and that means only 3 more and the year will be over, so I have to activate this prophecy and allow myself to be positioned so that the prophecy can and will be fulfilled!

I was sitting here early this morning blogging and my mind began to recount the time when I worked for Foot Locker and I had a manager who was considering making a drastic move from Michigan to California and I remember him being in the stock room one day with a map looking at the distance between Michigan and California and I recall a short yet powerful conversation we had that day as I came in the stock room to get a pair of shoes for a customer.....I recall making the comment "Ya know, no matter how far you go you can't run from God. He loves you and He will won't let you run." My boss looked at me as if he'd seen a ghost and replied "what makes you think I am running?" I simply replied "You can fool me if you want, but God knows all and you can't fool Him." and I turned around and left to attend to the customer. As I was reminded of this I began to think of a friend of mine who recently moved and can't help but wonder if both this friend and my boss might have been attempting the same thing...Running from God instead of towards Him. So you can see why I am so willing to seek God fully on this move; what may appear to be a God thing could be nothing but a good thing when the God thing is just a few more steps to be walked out where I am right now....
My baby just came home....I haven't seen her in a few days...she decided at age 4 to go have a sleep over with granny and granny nanny and not come home until today. lol she just walked in the door and did she have many stories to tell me....lol I missed her these last few days. She's trying to snuggle me while I am typing this blog...so perhaps I should get off here and return when I can blog with fewer distractions…
Okay so I am back and decided to share something that I wrote a while back with you my lovely readers.

Untitled

It’s in the valley I know you have my back,

It’s on the mountain top where you reveal yourself to me,

It’s in the midnight hour I hear you calling,

It’s in the day when I see you moving,

It’s everyday when I long to be,

In your embrace....

oh....oh....oh......

Your so amazing to me,

How you never change....

Even as the seasons come and go,

You remain oh you remain the same......

That’s why I call you my amazing love,

oh...oh.....oh.....my amazing love,

how you sweep me off my feet,

dry my tears that drip down my cheek,

bring a smile to my heart in the darkest hour,

Forever I’m amazed at your grace.....

oh...oh....oh....

Amazing Grace, oh how sweet the sound,

when I think of how you saved me,

I was a wretch,

oh a mess,

without you,

but then you came and cleansed me....

turned my life around......with your amazing grace.

and that is why I’ll sing of my love for you,

oh...oh....oh...oh.......

Cuz your a God who is always near,

always loving,

never willing to give up,

So let it be known,

You are faithful til the end.....

Jehovah you are The great I am....

and that is why I sing....my song!

Cuz when I stumble and fall,

you make it to where I can fly,

broken I come,

Healed I leave,

when with you.....

oh...oh...oh....

When others have left me in the dark,

You bring the light to lead the way,

I’m so in love with you,

that is why I sing,

though its not a song you require,

I bring you so much more....

but I start with my song....

Cuz your so amazing my love!

I love writing love songs to God! He is the one person I can count on that will never fail me!
I started this blog hours ago and am just now finishing it.....
*CHOW*

----the picture used is of my mom's tattoo. I felt it portrays exactly what my blog is speaking in art form!----

2009 Life Lessons I Learned

So you're probally asking what's new, what has been going on in my world? Well, I have indeed learned a few lessons in life. But as a wise mentor recently said "use judgement when posting blogs or things in cyber world." So after taking that wisdom in I am choosing to apply it and share these few thoughts with you from myself examination/detox process that is helping me become more like Christ.

I've learned so far this year that life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, title you hold, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have a lot of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that.
But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are not for what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about.

Don't get me wrong these lesson's weren't the easiest to learn..The journey I had to take to learn them was messy, long, desolate, barren and sometimes scary, but in the end I gained wisdom that I will forever cherish. And I have a trust in God that it will ALL work out (including my future)!

I am learning that the journey of where I once was and who I am now becoming is where my dancing in life has really been taking place!

funny how when I take the time to reach deep within to blog I find the creativity at it's finest.

Amazing Love How Great the Exchange

A lost young petal once was I,
A wondering soul seeking to fulfill,
The dream you desired for me to follow,
So I follow you daring to believe,
I return by your side,
With a new heart in hand,
It's like a bright fire dancing,
To the slow music turning.
My heart as smooth as ivory,
Hasn't turned to lonely, sulfur
Because I chose that day to,
give my heart to you,
In exchange you gave me Love,
Lord, I just want to say love you!


I learned that I was born with wings so I refuse to crawl through life any longer. I'm spreeding my wings and flying! And those who choose to try and clip my wings, well I will assume they aren't my friends and I will bid them a bitter sweet fairwell/goodbye.

I've learned to face my fears and as I do they no longer haunt me. I've learned to keep my head when all around me are loosing theirs and blaming it on me. I have learned to trust me when all men doubt me while they are making an allowance for their doubting. I've learned to wait while not being tired of waiting. I've learned what it's like to be lied to and about but not deal with the lies all the while they hate me I choose to not give into the hating. I've learned to turn the other cheek while not being vengful to those who do me harm. I've learned to meet triumph and disaster in the same manner (head held high). I've learned that I can bear to hear the truth spoken even if other's twist it with knives to make a trap for fools. I've learned to watch the things I have given my life for become broken, stomped on with worn out tools all because others have given up on their dreams. I have learned to talk amongst the crowd while keeping my virtue. I've learned to guard my heart so that neither foes nor friends can hurt me.

okay so while writing this I had to stop because strange noises were coming from down the hall..while investigating it I discovered the roomies caged critter was the guilty noise maker....however that wasn't what the noises sounded like...so as my heart rate lowers and I focus back to blogging I just want to say that this past year has been a very unique experience but yet one that has had much impact and growth!

I learned that my turning point in this process of growing up was when I was able to discover my core strength within me that survives all hurt. I discovered that while some only have one strength, I have 3 that go hand in hand....but I won't be like sampson and tell you, I may wear wigs but I don't want a hair cut that bad! lol

I guess for me, the toughest lesson I had to learn this year, has been learning to grow while apart. There have been many folks that (for whatever reason) have left my side in this journey called life. I don't blame them, hold it against them, or even have ill feelings towards them. I simply have realized that like myself they need to grow and if the only way they can grow is to walk their path alone while I walk mine than so be it. I do believe that for some our paths will re-unite at the next cross road but for some the bitter sweet seperation was just that bitter sweet and I wish you all the success and happiness in your life. But as for me, I refused to become content thus I had to continue on my way to growing into who I am today.
And while I have been growing there have been some new folks that have come from the shadows to walk with me. Some who I question, others who I know are sincere, never-the-less I know I am not alone! No matter what the natural eye may see I know God is always with me!

So its nearly 4 am and I have been blogging for almost an hour if not longer and I need to head to bed, but as I do remember this.....

Everyone of us has lessons in life to learn...are you taking the time to learn them? Or are you so busy doing that you miss the wisdom that is learned by embracing the lesson and walking it out with the intent of applying it to your life to make you a better person....

"NO PERSON IS PERFECT, HENCE WHY THE MIRROR WAS INVENTED, EXAMINE YOUR FLAWS."