Walking The Path To Adoption

My heart is heavy. I am not sure I have the strength to help my sister choose a family to adopt her unborn baby. I can't imagine the thought of my family being seperated all because she is choosing to be selfish. The only reason she is choosing to adopt this baby is because she doesn't think she can afford a 2nd child. She choose to get pregnant, this was a planned pregnancy with her boyfriend. Her and her boyfriend are no longer together and now she wants to adopt out. I have begged her to let me adopt the baby, she says no. While I am greatful she didn't choose abortion as her method of removing the child from her life, I still think her motives for adoption are selfish and wrong. Yet, I do commend her for looking into helping others fulfill a desire of having children even if it's through adoption as their route.

I pray for the strength and ability to love her through this. I pray that God give her the right motives for this decision and turns her heart to my request of adopting this baby. I pray God's will be done in this situation so it brings Him glory and honor!

Laying My Isaac On The Altar

Lord, I come to you tonight with much on my heart and running through my mind. I come to you with a spirit of heaviness and know that as I cast my cares upon you, that you will take them from me in exchange for your peace and wisdom and strength. I lay down at your feet all that is with-in me, I crawl into your arms, lay my head on your chest to hear the rythmn of your heart beat as I look up into your eyes. You have instructed me on what to do, I choose to follow your instructions, I will walk out what you've asked me to do.

You have asked me to lay my Isaac on the altar. I step back trusting you to do what is your will with my Isaac on the altar. I fully submit this into your hands. I trust you to give me the strength to leave my Isaac on the altar as I praise you for the outcome! I choose to begin to see the final outcome instead of what the now situation is! I truly believe you have it all planned out and as I step back I will be rewarded with the desire of my heart on this...my Isaac won't be sacrificed, but instead handed over to me to fully and richly enjoy!

I choose today to lay my Isaac on the altar and start the journey of trusting you through the process that is needed to recieve my Isaac back when you give back! Not only will my Isaac have went through the refiners fire and experienced what you have assigned by laying on the altar, but I also will have went through the refiners fire and experienced what it is you have assigned me in the process of laying my Isaac on the altar and walking away til you provide the ram.....selah

Lord, as I do this, whatever is needed to be changed or be rooted out or inputed in me, do so, I give you complete control...I am open!! I don't want to mess this up, I know that if its given time this whole experience will bring me and my Isaac closer, it will bring out your will, your plans. I know I will be alright to go through this....I know I have all that is needed to do this inside of me already...so Lord, I choose now to start the journey your taking me on! Thank you Lord, for revealing this to me...Thank you that you will guide me every step and ALL the way through this...I will NOT abort this...at all cost I WILL do this and do it til the ram is provided! I am submitted and in total surrendered state...I am standing on Matthew 11:12 and Psalms 57:7 as I go through this...I will also allow myself to be still and know you are God in all of this...I WILL be patient, I will not rush you...I will only do what you say do, I will only say what you say to say, I am in total submission to your Will on this...You know my heart, you know my motives, you know my love for my Isaac is true and genuine...and I will obey....selah.....Like you provided for Abraham, I know you will provide for me! I know that the desire of Abrahams heart was to have Isaac's life sparred, so he could enjoy Isaac, I too have that same desire, and I know your not a respector of persons, what you did for him, I know you will do for me! I will stand on the wall as a watchman and pray watching and looking for the outcome and "ram" that when this is all said and done, I have an offering to present as a thank you for this process coming to an end!!! This I pray oh God!! So Lord, thank you for my "ram"!!! 

I'm reminded of the story of the 2 mothers fighting over the baby...and the one who truly had the interest of the baby at heart responded in a sacrificial manner by sparing the babies life by allowing the other woman to have the child. I am willing to sacrifice my Isaac so that it exposes YOUR PLAN, YOUR WILL that Isaac be in my life! Let "Solomon" come now on the scene so that the truth be revealed!

I choose to praise you to offer up thanks for ALL that is in my life and on the way to my life! Thank You for my Isaac! Thank You for allowing me to go through this! Thank you for the refiners fire, Thank you for the altar where I can lay my Isaac down...Thank You for the ram, Thank You...I know that the altar is a place of restoration!!! Thank You Lord, for granting this prayer and I seal it now in the blood and offer it up to you with Faith it will be granted! I ask that as I lay my Isaac on the altar you see it as a pleasing offering and expression of my faith and grant to me the result and desire Im asking to come from this....Grant it oh God...

 In Jesus name---Amen!!

Humble Little Lily Pad

So I have updated the decor in my house. I have added some new pieces that tie into what decor I already had and might I say I am so proud of my Humble Lily Pad! I have worked so hard to get what I have and to make it look like a home over the years that I am finally starting to be at peace and take pride in my home. Not to mention I enjoy the time spent at home with my daughter because it does look so inviting, cozy, peaceful and friendly! It has taken me many years to get it to look so nice, and I have to admit I have had a lot of fun these last few weeks adding and fine tunning the detail of the decor to make it look so grand! While it isn't done yet, it is very close. I have a few things in each room I have to finalize before it will be complete but over all each room looks amazing. I don't say any of this boasting....anyone who has ever seen any of the places I have lived will testify that my decor has been nice but always very simple and always lacking in detail. The crazy part, my budget now is way less then what I have decorated with in years past...Yet when I moved here over a year ago, I made a lot of decisions regarding my relationship with God and I truly believe that because of those decisions, God is rewarding me with the desires of my heart. One of the desires being having a home that is BEAUTIFUL and looks AMAZING, something right out of one of those magizines. Therefore, He is providing the finances, sales, bargains, buy one get one free, and all the other cool treasures to make this desire a reality for me and Amariah! I owe the honor, praise and joy to God for making these new additions of decor possible for me! Thank you, Lord, for allowing me the ability to have these materialistic items in my house to enjoy! Selah.............




Smiles, You are an amazing God, who am I to try and understand your ways? Who am I to try and solve the mysteries as to why I am worthy of such favor and blessings? I stand in aww of you....and your blessings, favor, grace and mercy! The vision to make my Humble Lily Pad a home is coming to pass only through you Lord, again Thank You!



I have to admit so far I think my favorite decor piece is the wall art on the half walls in the dinning room leading into the kitchen. It was a bit time consuming making sure it all was pieced together and lined up and even laid out right but the finished product is breath taking if I may say so myself...Giggle Giggles! Oh and I have found the same color skeme word picture with a different caption and picture to put on the wall with the one that my God daughter got me while she was in Kentucky that says Prayer....This new one says Vision and has a caption that talks about vision....So now both of them are up and intergrated with my mounted light up bridge picture my Mommy bought me many years ago as a present! The 3 of them look amazing on the wall behind the couch! I am getting excited to get my candle order from my friends party so that I can tie in those home decor items with what I have!



The last but best project will be my room. This project will be a complete makeover on my entire room...I will have a theme picked out, I have 90% of the decor already but I just need to tie it all in and put the finishing touches on it and buy the bedding and maybe either paint my bookshelf to tie in the colors or paint my bedroom tv stand to tie in the color skeme or paint both..Giggle Giggles! hmmm, what to do what to do....I just bought tonight a large picture to put on one of the larger walls that have been decorated by the "themed beach towel" so the wall wasn't naked! Giggle Giggle....So the towel will come down and the picture will go up and I will re-arrange some of the pictures I have up already to start making the walls PICTURE PERFECT before I get out the decor items!!! I am so excited because my bedroom hasn't ever been fully themed and fully finished since......well to be honest...I don't think ever.....I remember growing up I had a mint green room because I was supposed to have a pastel border added to the top of the walls that went around the entire room and when we moved from that house, needless to say the trim wasn't even finished being tacked back on yet alone the boarder...Giggle Giggle....so you can see why I am excited to have a bedroom fully themed and finished!

It amazes me that when we do our part in the relationship with God whole heartedly, just how FAITHFUL He IS to fulfill His end, pouring out Blessings and Favor for us and on us!

Relfections Under the Moon

I should be sleeping, but can't. I had an amazing weekend that involved going to an awesome leadership conference that was much needed! What was spoken really opened my eyes to a lot of things and helped me realize what I have been going through the last 2 years. It made me Selah and reflect on the dream seed that God put inside me years ago. I felt the dream come alive again after many years of thinking it was dead. I realized now that because of the commitment I have made to truly live for God that there will be more times of being "alone" than being amongst a crowd. I have been truly blessed to have a Pastor in my life who believes in me and is willing to help see this dream be birthed into reality in my life! I am blessed to know I have covering....something I haven't ever had......I have a safe haven as well. This weekend has left me with many mixed emotions and feelings (not in a natural sense but spiritual sense) that are all good! I was reassured on a lot of things...and I am more committed then ever to see the dream with-in be birthed!


I know I am able to pay the price and I have come to face the fact that there will be seasons where I walk alone (with out friends) and I am 110% now okay with this. I'd rather be fully committed and walk alone then to be half way committed and abort the dream with-in...I my not be on here as much anymore I'm making some major changes this week in my life and well, those who really KNOW me will understand why. Those who think they know me may ge offended but I have to do what I know is right....and that is using wisdom in who I connect to and get close to. Im not called to all just a few, and I have to follow the voice of God and the leading of who to get close to. Even Jesus was select and only had 12 close friends....

On a side note, I had a very strange dream during my nap today. I woke up rather disturbed from it....I don't know if I was more disturbed by who was in my dream or the fact that I said what I said in my dream. hmmm, giggle giggle, oh well glad it was just a dream. But, even though it was just a dream, in some strange way I know this dream means something but what???? Guess I go to the throne room to find out!
I have my nephew over, he is tucked away snug as a bug in Ami's room with her sleeping. They had a blast playing tonight. I enjoy having him over, just wish my child didn't get so "high strung" when he comes over, giggle giggle...
Well I guess I've said all I can say so good-night Facebook family.....perhaps now I can drift off to dream land and get some ZZZZZZZ's!

*Chow

Princess's Throw Tantrums too Right!?

I was called condisending (or how every you spell it) I mean seriously me? I know I have a lot of experience because of all that I have been through. I have a lot of Bibical Revelation because of the length of my relationship with God but that doesn't mean I rub it in or show it all off. I mean ask anyone who really knows me and they will say I am the most humble person when it comes to my relationship with God and I don't throw my knowledge into the faces of those around me when it comes to things of God. I think it's mainly because to me my relationship with God is intimate and private...I am not ashamed of it just not going to go around shouting my intimate moments with God in detail with others. I am just beside myself tonight....guess I will go cry myself to sleep and put it in God's hands..but people are mean and suck royally...I can't stand folks who are insecure and have to prey on others to make themselves feel confident and strong...I just want to drop kick them and not in love. SERIOUSLY! I just want to swing my battle axe if I can't drop kick them!

Journey to the Throne 2

So in my time of prayer I heard God tell me to begin to look at some of the women in the Bible because there are some who I carry similar traits as they did. In my research, and looking into the lives of these women, I began to see just which ones God was wanting me specifically to look at. I spend most my morning investigating them and letting God speak to me as I read up on these 2 women. I realized that this year 2011 is a year that God is going to put me into position for full time ministry platform style but not in the way I had expected all these years. Not because I deserve this position, or because I am better than any other, but because I am chosen, called, appointed for such a time as this and because I have postured myself by paying the price at all cost. No I am not perfect, in fact this is a humbling honor that has me in a state of..... humility. I ask God why me and he responded "why not you?" I said okay God!

I realize that my passion to know God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit intimately has been part of the reason I have been chosen, now I don't mean to sound arrogant or conceded but I have paid a major price for this, right down to constantly having to battle defrimation of character because people judge me rather than let the Fruits of My life speak. They judge me based on hear say or false assumption of my behavior or what they think my behavior is saying.  

Lord, as I continue to seek out in these women what you want me to seek out show me, speak to me and let me become all that you desire me to be. I am ready to step into all that you have for me. I will pay the price at all cost.  I will do as you speak. I will no longer question or doubt or fear. I know your voice and I know you have me in the palm of your hand. I am in deed the apple of your eye! Thank you Lord for sending folks in my life to speak to me and help me stay on the path you have marked out for me before time began. I will seek you with all I am, all I have, all that I do. You are the one I long to please.--today marks a new begining in my life. I will follow. Refresh me as I walk this journey.

2010 Recap

Well folks it's that time of year when I realize that another 365 days have come to an end and I look back to see what God has brought me through. I realize this year 2010 has become one of the strangest years I have encountered yet.





January--a month of decisions



February--a month of being the "new kid"



March & April--months of good bye



May--a month of transition and relocating



June, July August--months of healing



September--month of focusing and self examination



October, Novemeber---months of revelation of self



December--a month of closure to a lot of people, situations with anticipation of a NEW BEGINNING come 2011!







While each month brought something new, I realize it also made me more aware of the gifts and treasures that lay inside me placed there by God. I realized my unique abilities and now know how to opperate in them.







Last night I was told that I walk in Mercy, extending it to others because I know what it really is to experience Mercy and few people really know how to do this. I was also told that I am different and that I have a healthy perspective on Love and know how to flow in it. I'm glad this was said over the phone b'cuz I was bawling like a baby when listening to this. Giggle Giggle, I have prayed for many days this year for many things and I have to admit, I am seeing the results of the prayers. Some of the answers, are being answered in a way I didnt expect but others prayers are being answered in just the way I did expect. God is always faithful to perform His Word! He really does know best!



There is more to this but for now I will end it, and just say that I am greatful for each phase I experienced this year and know that it has helped me be more like Christ and become the me he wants me to be!




*Chow

Journey to the Throne

I commited to a 21 day fast that started on Jan 1st and I am on the 4th day. Yesterday I struggled so hard to refrain from eating chocolate. Today the struggle is even more stronger because I am at my sisters house where food is everywhere! I mean the smell of it is delicious and I am salivating just from the smell! I am determined to discipline my flesh and resist eating though, I can do it! Philipians 4:13 is what I keep telling myself while thinking of the fact that fruits and veggies and water are my only food friends these days.  During this fast I have decided to write a daily prayer, journal entry so that I can later reflect on what occured during this process!

Day 1 Entry---Lord, help me to get focused during this fast. Help me to be able to settle myself and open my spirit, ears and heart to hear you when you speak. In Jesus Name-Amen

Day 2 Entry---Lord, I entered this fast out of obedience to the Man of God you placed in my life. I know you will honor me for it as I carry it out.
1. I believe you Lord for an open door in full time ministry with the bonus of paid salary this year
2. I believe you Lord for financial wholeness and helping me get a handle on my bills to get out of debt
3. I believe you Lord for the Man of God you have ordained for me to marry!
You desire me to bei n a platform ministry, its your will for me to be whole and married to the one you have set aside for me. 2011 is my year I believe this!
I believe strong holds will be broken, bondages broken, new wine skin given, a new me, The spirit in me will arise and be the one in control!

Day 3 Entry---Lord, I pray that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I pray that as I push away my plate and set time aside with you, I will hear your voice with out doubt, I will descern more accurately and that the fruits of the spirit will be developed to a new and deeper level in me!

Day 4 Entry---Lord, I thank you that I am able to come to you and you speak to me! I settle myself down to hear your voice, I am listening so Father speak to me! I desire to have intimate encounters with you that are deeper as we romance!