I found this today during my devotion time and thought I'd share it since I know several people including myself who will benefit from this blog! Please don't be alarmed by the length, just read it and let it minister to you the way it did me!
How Bitterness Affects Us
by Charles F. Stanley
Do you become critical of certain people the moment their names are mentioned? Is there anyone in your past upon whom you would enjoy taking revenge? Did somebody reject you years ago in such a way that still hurts when you think about it?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you might be harboring unforgiveness. The Bible warns us not to allow resentment to get a foothold in our lives. The book of Hebrews tells us to “see to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Heb. 12:15).
For the believer, resentment is never the right response to suffering, no matter what people have done to us. We may not even be consciously aware that we are nursing bitterness, but its consequences are subtle and many.
Physical Illnesses
Bitterness is like a continually running machine that uses our bodies for its energy source. Medical professionals consistently are finding links between the way our bodies function and the way we think. Resentment, anger, and other negative emotions have been associated with glandular problems, high blood pressure, cardiac disorders, ulcers and a host of other physical ailments.
I saw this illustrated through some friends of mine whom I will call the Browns. Mrs. Brown had cancer, so she and her husband sought the best medical treatment. Her doctor had been studying the relationship between negative emotions and cancer.
Day after day, he went to talk to her about her past. One day, in the midst of their conversation, she began to cry. She confessed bitterness towards her parents that had happened years ago. When she got it all out, she was freed, liberated and forgiven. It is the doctor’s opinion that Mrs. Brown would not have recovered had she not rid herself of that resentment.
“Stained” Relationships
Bitterness causes one person trouble and defiles others. As used in Hebrews 12:15, the Greek word for defile (miaino) means “to stain” or “to dye.” The resentment we harbor will stain our relationships. This is one reason why there are so many separations, divorces and broken homes.
One couple I counseled illustrates this principle. Despite the wife’s best attempts to love her husband, she couldn’t break through his hardened emotional wall. Through counseling, we discovered that he couldn’t forgive his mother for dying when he was twelve. He was mad at his mother for leaving him, and his anger was staining his marriage.
Bitterness can paralyze us. Even when we genuinely want to love another person, we can’t. Spouses, parents and children wonder why they can’t break through the barrier and experience genuine love. But deep inside, these people may find themselves infected by roots of anger and resentment, even simmering hatred.
Bitterness has so many little sprouts to it. Distrust is one of them. Insecurity is another. When the Bible says to “see to it that … no root of bitterness (springs) up,” it is because the consequences are so awesome and ongoing.
Spiritual Stumbling Blocks
Bitterness creates a cloak of guilt. We know we shouldn’t feel the way we do toward others, and we know God doesn’t want us to be full of resentment. We sense a barrier between God and ourselves and begin to doubt our salvation.
Bitterness also hinders our influence for Christ. What kind of Christian testimony can we have if we are resentful toward God and toward our neighbors? How can we convincingly talk to others about the forgiveness of God when we refuse to forgive those who have wronged us? When we allow bitterness to take over our lives, it spills over into the lives of those around us.
Ed and Nancy had a story book wedding, and they excitedly made plans for their family. They would have a boy and a girl. Sure enough, their firstborn was a boy. But the second pregnancy had complications, and the doctor told them this would be their last child. Unfortunately—from ....Nancy....’s point of view—their second child was also a boy. ....Nancy.... couldn’t bring herself to love her younger child, blaming him for robbing her of the little girl she always wanted.
Eventually, she divorced Ed for not understanding her and declined custody of either son. Her bitterness destroyed their small family.
How many of us harbor offenses? How many of us are angry adults because we don’t feel loved? We need to deal with negative feelings about those who have hurt or wronged us. An unforgiving spirit is a devastating attitude that none of us can afford. Determine today to let go of bitterness, and be set free to enjoy life again.
Adapted from "The Gift of Forgiveness" (1991).
How To Overcome and be Free of Bitterness
Bitterness often lies beneath our inability to forgive, denying our peace and destroying our relationships. In this study, we’ll examine what the Bible says about bitterness.
A. Bitterness Defined
The Greek word for bitterness (pikria) comes from the root word pik, which means “to cut.” The term refers something cutting and sharp, and it also implies “bitter taste.”
As a response to wrongdoing, bitterness is never acceptable before God. Nothing good ever comes from resentment. It will eat away at us until we are destroyed.
· What does Hebrews 12:15 warn?
B. A Biblical Example
The devastation of bitterness is vividly depicted in the life of King Saul. He began his reign as a respected and favored ruler, but he ended his life in defeat, sorrow, and suicide. The ravages of a bitter spirit were largely responsible for his demise.
The king’s problem likely began with anger towards his Creator for promising the throne to someone else. After Saul blatantly disobeyed God’s instructions, a prophet told him, “The Lord has torn the ....kingdom.. of ..Israel.... from you today and has given it to your neighbor, who is better than you” (1 Sam. 15:28).
By the time David entered the scene, Saul was primed to resent him.
· How did the king react when the people praised the younger warrior? (1 Sam. 18:1-9)
· Why do you think Saul was afraid?
· What would have been a healthy response to David’s victory?
Bitterness eventually develops into scheming and plotting. We might wish circumstances would destroy those who have hurt or offended us. In time, we may even harm them ourselves.
· How did Saul attempt to have David killed? (1 Sam. 18: 20-27)
Bitterness also separates relationships. Notice that Saul sent David out of his presence (1 Sam. 18:13).
· How did the king communicate with David regarding the warrior’s marriage to Michal? (1 Sam. 18:20-27)
When bitterness becomes our master, we may act foolishly and irrationally. Our unhealthiness can injure those closest to us and other innocent people.
· What did Saul do when Jonathan tried to defend David? (1 Sam. 20:27-33)
· How did Saul punish the people from Nob who aided David? (1 Sam. 22:12-19)
C. Power Over Bitterness
When resentment has been growing a long time, its removal is not always instantaneous. As children of God, however, we have the capacity to eliminate all bitterness from our lives.
· What should motivate us to forgive others? (Luke 6:36-37)
Note: Jesus didn’t mean that our heavenly Father will not forgive us if we haven’t pardoned others. Here, Jesus is talking about the forgiveness that affects fellowship within the family of God, not the forgiveness that leads to salvation. The point is that the community of believers is to be a forgiving community, showing mercy to others just as God has shown mercy to them. He wants us to be reconciled to one another.
When we fully comprehend God’s forgiveness toward us, we simply cannot justify holding anyone else accountable.
· Why are we able to forgive others? (Gal. 2:20)
Just as Jesus forgave all who crucified Him, His life within us makes it possible to forgive all kinds of hurts and abuse. Because we are children of God, it’s out of character for us to allow bitter roots to take hold. By faith, we can allow Christ to express mercy through us toward others.
D. Steps to Freedom From Bitterness
As you’ve completed this study, maybe you’ve thought of someone who brings bitter feelings to mind. Follow these steps to find emotional and spiritual freedom.
1. Make a list of the ways in which that person has offended you.
2. Make a list of your own faults.
3. Make a list of things you’ve done for which God has forgiven you.
4. Ask God to help you view that person who has wronged you as a tool in His hand.
5. Ask God to forgive you for your bitterness toward that person.
6. Decide in your heart to assume total responsibility for your attitude.
7. If you feel it’s appropriate and will not cause more problems than it solves, go to that person, confess your bitterness, and ask for forgiveness. Remember, you are assuming responsibility for your attitude; you are not trying to solicit a confession from them.
Closing: We have two choices: We can allow bitterness to destroy us, or we can allow God to develop us into the people He wants us to be. We must choose to view our circumstances as tools God uses to further develop our spiritual lives.
Prayer: Father, thank You for the mercy You’ve graciously shown me. Please give me the ability to forgive those who have wronged me. I want to be completely free from bitterness and its devastating consequences. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Adapted from The Gift of Forgiveness, by Charles F. Stanley. 1991. pp. 133-147.
