Friday night I had the privilege of going to minister in the Gen. County jail with a team from our church. This wasn't my first time going but it was the first time that I was put in a position to be ready in season and out of season without a clue on what I would even say.... Very seldom do I go into a place or situation with a prepared word from God for people. If I do I know those are ordained moments...I pray I have more, but Friday was not one of those prepared moments. I almost felt "guilty" for lack of better words til God whispered to me in the elevator and said.....be ready to speak when I say speak. Giggling and smiling I knew exactly what he meant.....so I stayed quiet and very somber and alert. We were on the 4th floor and both groups were men. I remember thinking "what could this black girl trapped in a white body who is Polish say to these men....that would leave them chewing on a sure word from God." Well we began to open with a few songs, and then Caroline began to break open a word she was given to share......then the Holy Spirit quickened Dana and she jumped in with a word. That's when I began to allow my eyes to scan the audience. I began to see them as God seen them and he shared their hearts with me.....my gaze landed on 2 specific men who God began to show me things about.....this happened so fast that I felt like time was standing still.....and as quick as I was shown these things is as quick as it was done....I remember that was when I asked Caroline if I could share something.....and so I did. It was on the power of forgiveness.....and how the Bible says we should forgive just as Christ forgave us....but God took me to a different place with it and had me share with the men the power of forgiving self......of course we were only given like 10-15 minutes each to speak so I had to water ski over a lot then but I don't here....so of course those who read to the end will get the whole revelation that was downloaded to me while sitting in jail on Friday! The first group session ended and the inmates were released to their cells. The 2nd group came in and of course we sang some songs and this time Larry was able to share the word God gave him.....it was on Love....and as he was speaking again God had me looking at the men....seeing into their hearts...This time was different...this time I knew he wanted me to share my testimony but it was so not related (in my opinion) to what Larry was speaking on....so, I sat silent....until my eyes caught glimpse of a man sitting in the back who based on appearance looked hard and callus and cold yet desperate to be set free.....God began to show me that the same message about the power of forgiveness and self forgiveness was needed to be spoken to this group as well. So I waited til the time to share it. As God began to speak through me I tried hard not to look in this mans direction so the enemy wouldn't whisper "she is condemning you" to him, but I couldn't help it....my eyes once again were cast into his direction....what I seen this time was NOT what I had expected....this man who appeared hard and callus was crying like a 5 year old. Tears were just dripping like a broken water faucet and he didn't care.....surrounded by men he was crying....and I have to admit, it choked me up...to see the power of God begin to hit the heart of this man......in jail. As I spoke my spirit thanked God for using me to pierce the heart of someone with the words of God needed to set one free. After this session the men came to the front and shook our hands. When his man came to me, he looked at me and said "thank you for the word, I am trying." what came out of my mouth even surprised me...here is what I said, "Trying is the first step, but don't give up, determine in your heart, mind and spirit to walk it out.....even if you have to walk it out like granny (slow and steady) walk forgiving yourself out all the way!" He looked at me and smiled and said "I will!"
I left the jail the same way I came in....quiet only this time quiet because I was truly taking in the whole evening. We all go through things in our life that we wonder Why.....and at that moment I understood and seen the answer to that very question I have asked 1,000+ times.....I went through all I have in life for such a time as this....to set others free with the same revelation of God that I have learned, walked out and even am learning now...and applying.....so with the introduction over let's get to the meat of the revelation God gave me about Forgiveness and how we need to learn to forgive ourselves......
The Power of Forgiveness
Those of us who by faith have been redeemed by Christ are completely forgiven and declared “not guilty.” Yet many believers have a hard time letting go of their remorse. The truth is, a self-directed unforgiving spirit is just as detrimental and destructive as holding a grudge against someone else.
If you look in the mirror and look yourself in the eyes but you don't like the person you see, then you need to forgive yourself and learn how to love the person that God has made in you! This is what we call a stronghold, or an incorrect thinking pattern that needs to be torn down in your mind. If you have repented of your sins, and taken them before the Lord, then you are forgiven... and now you need to come to realize the power of that. You need to stop associating your failures with your "new creation" image, for God's Word says...
2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."
Can you honestly look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I love you" and mean it with your heart? I'm not talking about a prideful way, but a humble means of accepting who God has formed in you. We need to love and accept the person that Christ has made in us, and forgive ourselves as Christ has forgiven us!
The importance of forgiving yourself
If you don't forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made, you won't experience the breakthrough that you need to be totally set free. I believe it is clear that failing to forgive ourselves from our past mistakes is denying the work of the cross and the shed Blood of Christ in our live. When God's Word tells us that we've been washed clean with the Blood of Christ, and our sins are removed through the atoning work that Jesus did for us... yet we still "could kick ourselves" for our mistakes, then we are basically saying, "I don't care what the Blood of Jesus has done, I still hate myself for what I've done!" It's stagging to think such a thing, but that is what really happens when we refuse to forgive ourselves.
If you don't see yourself as a new creature in Christ, then you have a serious problem. You will be hindered and held back from freely and confidently living out who you really are in Christ! You will be hesitant and feel unworthy to approach your Heavenly Father, because you feel you're a failure and unworthy... this is why it is vital for your conscience to be cleansed of dead works (your past failures)...
Hebrews 9:14, "How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?"
Failing to forgive yourself will put blinders on your spiritual eyesight quickly. It will cause you to see things through the eyes of guilt, shame and condemnation. It will ruin your faith, and cause you to go blind spiritually:
2 Peter 1:9, "But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins."
In the following verse, we are told to forgive one another, but did you know that the root word for the phrase "one another" actually includes yourself? The Greek root word Heautou refers not only to others, but also to ourselves!
Colossians 3:13, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye."
Unforgiveness is a known door opener to torment from demonic spirits. Matthew 18:23-35 tells us how the unforgiving person is turned over into the hands of tormentors (that is, tormenting spirits). If we are unforgiving towards our self, we open that door for tormenting spirits to come against us because we are not really accepting the work that Christ did for us on the cross. Another key to the demonic is bitterness, and when we become bitter with ourselves, we become defiled spiritually:
Hebrews 12:15, "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled."
God's Word tells us that Jesus purged (that is, removed) our sin (Hebrews 1:3, "...when he had by himself purged our sins..."), but if we fail to forgive ourselves, we are in essence, calling God's Word a liar! We are saying, "I hate myself because I did that sin... I won't forgive myself of it!" when God's Word tells us that the sin has been PURGED or REMOVED from us... who are we to say that it is still part of our past? We are in essence, calling God's Word a LIE!
Why won’t we forgive ourselves?
In order to overcome self-condemnation, we must learn to understand why we have this problem. What has motivated us to punish ourselves by clinging to guilt?
Unbelief---The primary cause is unbelief—prioritizing feelings and human reasoning above the truth of God’s Word. Scripture says Jesus bore the penalty for our transgressions (Rom. 3:23-26). But those who hold onto guilt are basically saying, “No, my sin needs further punishment. I must suffer for it until I feel I can forgive myself.” Aren't you glad God doesn't place such a terrible expectation on us? When Christ died on the cross, He said, “It is finished” (John 19:30). No further payment is required. How we feel has nothing to do with the reality of what He accomplished for us.
Performance---Perhaps the failure to live up to our own expectations is what causes us to berate ourselves. However, when we are so disappointed that we can’t forgive ourselves, we've set up a standard based on performance. This is called legalism. The Lord gives only one qualification for receiving His forgiveness: faith in Christ. To say, “What I did was so bad that I cannot forgive myself,” is to live under law, not under grace. God’s forgiveness is not distributed on the basis of a rating system for sins, and ours shouldn't be either.
Acceptance---Tragically, after living under self-condemnation for a long time, believers can begin to see that as a normal way of life. But it’s not. Christ promised us freedom from guilt along with the abundant life that accompanies a cleansed conscience. To refuse this is to remain in a prison of our own making. Penal institutions have a word for inmates who have become so acclimated to prison life that they’re afraid of trying to function outside: they are described as having become institutionalized. That’s exactly what happens to believers who won’t release their guilt. They huddle in their cell, even though Christ has thrown open the door and invited them to step out into the freedom He purchased for them.
How do I forgive myself?
Hopefully, by now we all realize that struggling under self-condemnation is not the way God wants us to live. But how can we change this habit?
Step #1, be honest with yourself
Realize that down deep inside, you're not happy with the person of your past. If you are in denial, then forget trying to treat the root of your problem. You need to see the problem before you can apply the solution. It might even be helpful to list all of the things that you hate about your past, and one-by-one, give them to the Lord and release yourself from each failure.
Step #2, you need to realize that your debt has been PAID
The only way that you can beat yourself up, after Jesus has paid your debt, is if you aren't accepting the gift that He has given you. If He's paid the debt, and you keep denying that fact, then you are rejecting the very gift that God has given you! You need to accept what Jesus has done for you by faith.
Galatians 2:16, "Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified."
The blood of Jesus was shed for the payment of your sins:
Matthew 26:28, "For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins."
Because of the powerful work that Christ did for us on the cross, God's Word tells us to come boldly unto the throne of grace, so that we can obtain mercy:
Hebrews 4:16, "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."
The price for your redemption has been paid in full. It's up to you receive it and realize that the blood of Jesus actually removes the sin from your record. Now you need to see yourself as being forgiven and justified (which means, "just as if you've never sinned").
In Luke 7, Jesus took a very sinful woman (likely a prostitute) and freely washed her clean without hesitation...
Luke 7:47, "Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little."
The above verse is just one example of how freely Jesus would forgive a person of their sins. It is true that if we take our sin to Jesus, He will freely forgive us without hesitation:
Romans 3:24, "Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:"
There is also no sin that you can take to Jesus, which He will not forgive... for the Bible tells us that He is prepared to cleanse us of ALL unrighteousness if we will turn to Him with our failures!
1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Step #3, allow the Holy Spirit to heal your soul
You need to let God heal you... as long as you keep holding something against yourself, you are blocking the Holy Spirit's power from entering and healing that area of your mind and life! You need to open up your heart, and allow the light of Christ to shine into the darkness of your soul.
Step #4, begin to see the "new creature" of Christ within you
You are not seeing yourself as you really are. If you've repented of your past, and sought God's forgiveness, then you are forgiven or justified (which means "just as if I've never sinned"). It's not that you should try to forget what happened (don't remind yourself of it either though), but the important key is to see your past through the Blood of Jesus. You need to see your past as "paid in full" by the work that Christ did for you on the cross! Seeing things with this perspective changes everything!You need to begin seeing yourself through the blood of Jesus.
One day, when the enemy was trying to beat me up over my past, the Holy Spirit spoke clearly to me and said, "You need to KNOW that you're clean... your faith depends upon it!"
Step #4, Acknowledge: The first step is to recognize that you have not forgiven yourself. Face up to this fact, and begin to deal with the issue.
Step #5, Repent: Tell the Lord that you realize your self-condemnation is a sin. Then accept and thank Him for His forgiveness.
Step #6, Believe God: Reaffirm your trust in the truth of Scripture. God says He has removed your transgressions as far as the east is from the west.
Step #8 Choose Forgiveness: On the basis of the Bible, by an act of your will, in faith, choose to forgive yourself.
Please notice that feelings aren’t mentioned anywhere in these steps. Each one is a choice based on truth, not emotions. Stop replaying in your mind the old recording of your sin, which stirs up guilt, but instead replay the truths of God’s Word. Freedom from the prison of guilt and regret is only a choice away. Jesus came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18). As you take hold of His forgiveness and release your guilt, you’ll walk out of that jail of self-condemnation into the joy of abundant life.
My prayer for you is that you begin to see the need for forgiveness and learn to accept it for yourself and give it to yourself. There is great healing that comes from forgiving....even in forgiving yourself. I pray that as you look in the mirror you can see a reflection forgiven and free looking back at you and be able to walk in that freedom so that you can help others be free through Christ and forgiveness....
