Well, It's been a while since I have updated you on this journey. If I had to sum up this journey in one word it would be BITTERSWEET. Here it is 6 days after my sister had her daughter and I am lost for words, not because I am angry, empty or numb from the decision she made...truth is I am far from any of that.
Let me start by saying that on Wednesday the 25th of this month my sister gave birth to a beautiful little girl who was 6 pounds & 9 ounces, 20 inches long. I am proud of her she did a great job considering this is her 2nd c-section. She came out of it way better then she did 3 years ago from having her son. However, going up to see her and the baby knowing that the adoptive parents were going to be there cooing over my niece just didn't settle with me, however, I swallowed my emotions and went and congratulated my sister and seen my niece.
sighs....as I relive that day for a moment before I continue sharing.....
I entered the labor and delivery floor and head to my sisters room with my grandma as my mom was escorting us unsure of how I'd respond if I heard the adoptive parents refer to my niece as their daughter....I was quiet and alert. We arrived at the nursery window where I was greeted by my sisters father and introduced to the adoptive parents. Ha what a first impression I had....one that won't go away and I wish it would. My mom informs us my sister is not yet out of recovery and shows us through the window which baby was my niece.
The minute I laid eyes on my niece there was an instant bond. I choked back the tears and emotions that were suddenly overwhelming me and wanting to be released. I smiled and locked my gaze on that precious little life I was looking at through a window wanting desperately to pick up the baby and make a mad dash for the door so no one could take her away....however, realistically I knew better so I continued to just stand there and gaze. Having to listen to these 2 strangers (the adoptive parents) babble on about how they were excited to hold my niece was only making it worse for me on the inside.
I remember thinking, who the hell are you folks to think this is your kid. Who the hell are you to call her your daughter when you didn't carry her for 9 months...Every thought I had I recall as if it were yesterday I had them...not because I am angry but they are still very freshly lived....When my sister came out of recovery and got settled into her room, she asked for the baby to be brought in so she could have some time with her before everyone else bombarded her room for the baby. She let me stay in there with her and the baby. I recall the nurse leaving the room after she handed my sister the baby and having my sister ask me to help her get comfortable on her bed so she could hold baby girl. So I asked if she'd like me to pick the baby up and hold her while she got situated on the bed. Her reply was YES! So without hesitation, I scooped up my niece into my arms and smiled.
The emotions, the thoughts, the overwhelming sense that came as I held that precious little life in my arms while looking down at her and her looking up at me is indescribable and priceless. The bond I mentioned earlier was confirmed when baby girl smiled at me with her eyes open and responding to my voice as I talked to her. I didn't want to let go. I had prayed for this little girl for 9 months and to think she'd be in just days gone from my life was killing me on the inside. However, I gave her back to my sister so she could hold her. I then left the room for a bit so they could be alone.
sighs....I was at the hospital for like 3 maybe 4 hours the day my niece was born. I couldn't take anymore so I said my goodbyes and left to head home to be with my daughter and tell her of the news. Once I picked my daughter up from school and told her that her baby cousin had been born she began to leap for joy and smile. What came next was the part I had been dreading...reminding her that the baby wasn't going to be part of our family and that baby was going to a new family. The response from my daughter was not at ALL what I was expecting and honestly looking back, so glad it was how she responded.
My daughter didn't cry, she didn't get sad, she simply said, "Mommy, we have prayed for this baby to live and not be aborted (yes my sister was considering abortion earlier in the pregnancy and yes my daughter knows what an abortion is) and God answered that prayer, Mommy. So we have to believe that the 2nd half of the prayer will be answered by God too." The confidence in her voice, the sincerity in her eyes, the unwavering faith she had as she spoke those words sent goose bumps to my body. The 2nd half of her prayer every night leading up to the birth of my niece, her cousin was "let aunty Kay keep this baby." So hearing my daughter remind me of her prayer with such a strong....assurance that God was gonna make it happen left me in complete silence...This may of been one of the few times I have been caught speechless.
I made arrangements the next day, Thursday to take my daughter up to meet the baby which in her eyes was her "living testimony of a miracle". My daughter was extremely over joyed when she seen the baby and got to hold her and touch her. She met the adoptive parents and talked to them. We spent like 6 hours that day at the hospital. I left mentally, physically and emotionally drained from the overwhelming mixed emotions I had all day. I just wanted to get home, put my kid to bed, soak in the tub of hot water and process the last 2 days; and that is just what I did. :) Followed by a restless night of sleep. Causing me to wake up sore and stiff physically, not a good way to wake up. However I had fixed it in my heart to have a Fantastic Friday despite what came my way....
so here it is Friday the day of departure from the hospital for my sister and the baby. The only word that rang in the atmosphere of mine was BITTERSWEET. I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend my Friday at the hospital with my niece one last time to hold and hug her before having to say goodbye or to just remain at home letting Thursday be my day of goodbye. So I made the decision to refrain from going to the hospital and going about my day as if it were any other Friday only having a side kick (my nephew) tagging along. I had kept him over night. My daughter was in school so it was just him and I going about as if nothing BITTERSWEET was going on.
Somewhere between noon & 3:40 on Friday was where everything BITTERSWEET began to take place......I receive a phone call from my grandma crying, talking fast and so not able to understand her so in a panic I hang up and call my mom to find out what is going on as I am driving to pick my daughter up from school. I am informed that the adoptive parents and baby girl had been cleared to leave the hospital and are heading to a near by town (they couldn't leave state with her until the finalization of papers went to court this week) to stay with some of their family members. I remember thinking okay we knew this was going to happy so why all the fuss from grandma?
Well what came out of my moms mouth is what the fuss was over and so not at all what I was expecting to hear. I was informed my sister was still in the hospital waiting to be discharged and having to hear the other babies crying had made her realize she couldn't go through with the adoption and she was on the phone with her lawyer stopping the adoption and having the couple bring back the baby! I at this point am like SHUT UP, DON'T PLAY, DON'T LIE....to which I was informed, "she is choosing to keep the baby, this isn't a joke" as my mom is crying with joy!
So at 10pm Friday night my sister and the baby were at my house with my nephew, my mom and grandma and of course my daughter. And the adoption was cancelled, leaving the couple sad and disappointed, maybe even BITTER. But, our family was rejoicing over a SWEET precious addition to our family. I truly didn't expect the BITTERSWEET day to end with the couple who had planned to adopt my niece left with BITTER emotions and the SWEET emotions on my families side. Yet I didn't doubt that God would pull through and answer the prayer in FULL. I just had been taught that He will never over ride free will and if my sister was choosing to adopt over God's will for her to keep the baby, I figured the adoption would trump the will of God.
Before going to bed my daughter said to me, "Mommy, I knew God would come through and answer my prayer in FULL. He is just that awesome of a God. He can't give us half of what we pray for, He has to give us ALL of what we ask for or He wouldn't be God." Now hearing this from a 7 year old made my eyes drip liquid rapidly and smile. I hugged her and held her close with my only response being, "Baby girl, you are exactly right. It makes me so proud of you to see that you have a desire to seek God, His will and have a strong faith for his ways and his things. To see you choosing to have a desire to know more of God and develop a relationship with Him on your own has me so proud of you." And then I kissed her good night and tucked her into bed.
After leaving her room, I went into mine and crawled into bed and began to cry tears of joy as I talked to Abba Father (GOD). Needless to say this whole journey and twist of events has me now in a place where there will NEVER be doubt the power of prayer and faith. NO ONE WILL EVER CONVINCE ME THAT MY FAITH & PRAYERS ARE FOOLISH AGAIN!
When I hear God speak to me on something after I see it in the spirit with prophetic eyes I will NEVER DOUBT AGAIN...I WILL BELIEVE AND HOLD ONTO IT TIL IT MANIFESTS!
So it is my great joy to announce to you that on April 25th 2012, Sophia Marie was born and that on April 30th 2012 it was made official that the adoption was cancelled and my sister has full custody and ALL rights to her daughter as if NO adoption was even an option! :) And today I spent with my niece while my daughter was in school and loved every minute of our time spent together!
GOD IS SO AWESOME!
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| Sophia Marie, my niece |
*Chow
