I CAN!

I know I so should be taking this time to job hunt but I don't want to, I have done so all week and now just need time with the internet to catch up on blogging, emails, facebook and even myspace. Yes, I still venture over to http://www.myspace.com/ and log in from time to time. Not as often as I grace facebook with my presences but I do make an effort to stop into myspace. giggle giggle. I know I'm old-school what can I say! 

They say out with the old in with the new. If you want something you have never had, do something you have never done before. Well...I have to say I have come to a season in my life that I am done living for others. I live for God and self. Now I don't mean self as in selfish gain. I am talking about as I hear God and do what he says I'm putting me and my daughter before others. While that may sound selfish, it isn't meant to be. It simply means that I can't live any longer to make others happy while putting me and my daughter in a place of misery.

For me sometimes it takes a drastic change to make me realize one is needed. What works for some won't work for me, and what works for me may not work for others. God meets us all at our level. He speaks to us in ways we understand, so we can obey!

I have to say this new look I have is amazing. I have never felt more sexier and happier! I may keep it going for a while!

Wow, Its been a long time since I have heard folks pray over their food in public. I am sitting again in Mcdonalds and at the table next to me two men sat and before they ate they bowed their heads and began to pray out loud over their food, as I listened in on their prayer I realized they prayed for more than just their food. It was cool. Praying out loud for your food has become a lost art...and its sad...so to hear it take place in the public place is awesome....on a side note the is a girl eating lunch with her man not far from my sight that is rocking some majorly viberant pink hair...Its awesome, I'd take a picture and use it here if I didnt think she'd find it strange that a random stranger is taking a picture of her. She definetly isn't ashamed of what she looks like. And she can pull off the hair color too!

If you sit somewhere long enough you begin to become aware of your surroundings and see things that may often be missed if you don't take time to look around. It amazes me how fast paced society has become. I have to say sitting here for like now 2 and 1/2 hours has been refreshing and enlightening! Sipp'en on the same pop, no its not watered down ( no ice was added) and just taking in my surroundings has been very eye opening. Wow, this worker is interesting...she is washing a table, and complaining cuz someone didnt throw away an unused napkin. She is very upset about this issue. She is talking to herself about it. She is clearly upset....How sad...

Okay before I begin to ramble..oh wait that is the name of this blog....lol I will end it.

So til next time, Remember,  Ordinary people believe only in the possible. Extraordinary people visualize not what is possible or probable, but rather what is impossible. And by visualizing the impossible, they begin to see it as possible.

Blog from McDonalds

So  a lot has taken place since I made my transition fom Davison to Owosso. I have experienced more in 6 months then I have in a year. I am still in love with my new city, people and atmosphere. I am still very cofident that I made the right decision when I chose to relocate my family. I can't say that I have had an easy journey but I can say that I have had the ability and strength to keep on keeping on while in the valley. I have come to understand what Psalms 23 talks about when it says the Shepherd leads me. Despite what I face, God goes before me and takes the fight causing the effects to be less traumatizing for me when I walk through. I have had the winds of life blowing from every angle and while they have been brewing up a storm I understand what it is to walk on the waters with peace. I know what it's like to experience the storms of life and yet still have peace. I have watched the winds blow, situations arise unexpectedly, finances come plumiting down with a sudden crash, yet I feel very little effect from it because God chose to give me peace and calm me rather than the storms. Here I had been expecting him to calm the storm, but He choose to calm me! Its amazing...

I have come to a new understanding and appreciation for Mercy and Grace, which by the way are two seperate things. I have realized that Mercy only comes when we apply the blood to our lives (repent for sins) then God's mercy is able to flow from Heaven to us. Mercy is Gods seperation from his wrath for us. Mercy is God not doing what we do deserve. Grace is God doing what we don't deserve!

I am coming into my Canaan! I was set free from bondage and walked the wilderness and now am finding my steps leading to my spiritual Canaan. I can't say it's been a delightful journey but I am learning to walk it out with no complaints...God is my cloud by day and pillar of fire at night. He is my provider, refuge, defender and guide. 

On a not so spiritual side, my 6 months of not dating is over and while I am still single, and have many guys flocking to me, I am not ready to dive right into the dating scene. I am taking my time to evaluate each canidate and narrow out the weeds. I do not want the wrong man. I have taken time to evaluate what I do want and won't settle for anything or anyone less than I deserve. I am trusting God and keeping myself postioned in Him til the man God has for me finds me!

Well this chapter from McDonalds is going to have to come to a wrap. I can't focus on blogging with the large group of elderly folks cackling away just a few tables over. I swear there must be like 30 of them. giggle giggle...

so til next time, Know that God is who he says he is and will do what He says he will!

Noodles and Poodles

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and when it was over you were left in a state of "Did we seriously just have that conversation? What was really said in all of that?" I did and I am still trying to process it! I don't know if I should have a bruised ego and take it as I was "rejected" or if  should take it as "read between the lines and hear what isn't being said while I say what is coming from my lips" As fast as the conversation started is how fast it ended...and I think I said 2 words....so as you can see it was mostly a one sided conversation leaving me more puzzled than I was in the first place! lol

So I have decided to leave it in God's hands and let Him work it all out!

Well I made a startling discovery the other day while driving...I have been single for close to 6 months. The 6 month mark is Sept 14th for those who really must know. And in this time I have had a few opportunities to try and date and they never got off the ground to become anything more than an idea. I have been totally content being single and learning so much about myself.  I also realized that many people mistake my kindness as flirting. All I have to say is if I was flirting or interesting in you I have guts to tell you! What ever has happened to treat people the way you want to be treated? I mean seriously kindness goes a long way... and when I have more than someone else I want to bless them with out making it evident that I have noticed them lacking and making it a huge deal that I have more than them. So I discreetly try to share with them in a manner that doesn't make them feel out of place.  Oh well...perhaps one day folks will take time to really get to know me! 

I am starting to look forward to my 30th Birthday, where as before (even just last week) I was dreading it! However I realize that 30 is going to be a new season, new adventure and I am starting to look forward to what it holds for me!  

So for now I will end this thought...I am sure there is more I want to say but I must tend to the needs of the kids I am babysitting and feed them lunch!

Toodles!

Human Robot

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you have become robotic? I mean you have passed from routine into robotic. You no longer are aware of what is going on around you because you are beyond sleep deprived, emotions, routine even? I know I had become that way for a while because of the schedule that I have come to experience lately. I have to admit I hated that I had allowed myself to become so desensitized that I entered into the state of what I will call robotic!

Now, don't get me wrong, I did a few things out of the norm..I did find myself sitting over at a friends house for a few hours talking to him and watching Austin Powers....oh and laughing...laughing hard! But for the most part I woke up, went to work, went to the 2nd job, came home went to bed and repeated the process for several weeks. In between that I did manage to eat, shower and tend to my daughter but still something was missing. My ability to function as me had somehow become a lost treasure. Sunday I came home from church and crashed. I slept for what seemed like eternity yet in reality was only 6 hours! I woke up to Amariah asking me very quietly and gently "mommy, may I please put a new movie on..the other one has been over for some time and I played with my toys. B'cuz I didn't want to wake you..I knew you needed sleep." Now seriously...my 5 year old even knew I needed sleep and was willing to allow me the honor of getting some. So I woke up and put a new movie on for her and snuggled on the couch with her. She had the biggest smile on her face and said "I love you mommy" I have been truly blessed to have her in my life.

I went to our young adults class Sunday night and it was really good. The topic shared and spoken on really got me thinking...and perhaps even opened my eyes to what was really missing in my life as to why I had become robotic. Sleep. Imagine that...I am so accustomed to doing for everyone else that I often neglect me. I tend to allow myself to become the last priority and run myself ragged to help others. So I went to bed that night before midnight! I know right..for those reading this that know me this is a huge thing...No folks I wasn't sick. I just decided it was time to get back to bed at a decent time. So I managed to after young adults, getting dinner, giving the kid a bath, picking up the house, getting our stuff together for morning, putting the kid to bed and running down to the office to drop off rent (while granny stayed with Ami) seeing granny off, I found myself in bed before midnight!

The alarm went off as usual at 5:30am Monday morning and I woke up with out a problem! Imagine that..see what happens when one gets sleep! lol I wake up the munchkin..who might I add was very easy to wake up and she even had a smile on her face! we got ready and headed out for our day. I got to work at 7am and had a great time. then off to my 2nd job and guess what....Again I had a great time!!

I even managed to be in bed at 10pm I last looked at the clock at 11pm so I got some sleep yet again! Ami woke up today laughing from a dream she had..it was nice to see her smiling instead of being a grizzly bear who is grumpy from lack of proper sleep.

So where does all this fit into the lesson?

Simply....put it this way....when you are faithful to do what God is asking of you to do in the NOW season....you will be able to withstand what the enemy throws your way...and as you are found being faithful with the little much more will be given to you!

We too often think that this is in reference to the bigger things or issues in life...but in reality God is looking to see what we do with the little (what society would consider obsolete areas of life) so he can reward us by giving us those bigger areas things... Never under estimate the small things..for they could be the foxes that spoil the vineyard or they could be the very thing that brings promotion....

so til next time... work out your salvation by allowing yourself to be teachable, humble and wiling to repent when you mess up!

Grind My Gears

I am so sick of folks who claim to be Christians yet are so judgmental and full of critical opinions. I never once saw Jesus judge or criticize when dealing with human kind. I recently came across this quote and it really made me realize that these people who act this way must be wounded and unhealed people hence why they behavior in that manner. Here is the quote; "Regardless of how broken an individual you meet may be, you have the ability to become a healing presence to them. You do that by recognizing their integrity as a human being and respecting it. You can bring them into aliveness with affirming words. Never assume you know what is best for them. Offer them the kind of help that empowers them to the degree that their own faith brings them wholeness and well being."

How true it is that we must be Christ like in all manners and in all places! Always showing the fruits of the Spirit despite if we are in the real world or in cyber world. 

Greatful Eyes behold Grace and Glory

So I have been doing a lot of reading, self discovery (yeah well it never ends when your in a relationship with God) and having many intimate encounters with God and it has me very confident that I am becoming who God destined me to become. Not just on the outside but also internally!




I have come to the conclusion that the body of Christ needs to know who they are as individuals and corperately in Christ. We need to know both personally and corperately who we are with other people as well. Letting people know us, being honest about our feelings, and fears is one way to live by faith. if honest living is difficult generally, it is more difficult in relationships with a romantic potential. We need to take off the fig leaves and be naked and unashamed, knowing God has us covered.
 
We need each other as male and female to be fully human, fully Christian, fully the church and fully able to reflect the image of God. Men and Women who work together within the family of God honor God's intentions for the human creation. Common cause and purpose, as well as common values and means, are basic for healthy male-female friendships. Too many friendships today begin and end on the touchy-feely premise that functions only on the energy of the relationship itself.  We need each other and we need healthy friendships. Friendships that focus on greater than those playing the role of friends. We are called to a greater and deeper assignment than just being in friendships with people. God has assigned folks in our lives to help unlock the doors needed to our destiny and for us to help unlock doors for others.
 
What we do together with common values and purpose helps define the edges of who we are in the relationship. Who we are in the relationship fosters the commonality of purpose and values held in the friendship that together serves God's greater intention for his creation.  To many friendships fail from becoming ingrown and selfish. Yes even in the body of Christ this can happen that is why it's important to know who you are in Christ and know that God has you covered so that the the enemies attacks to put a wedge in the friendship touch you not.
 
True faith trusts God to keep his promises. A heart that recognizes how easily it can be decieved, especially by the promise of good things, is a heart that learns to trust God's goodness fully. So my question is Do you trust God fully?
 
 
Start today to trust God even in the area of friendships, I know I have and I have put down the fig leaf and come out of hiding and since I have God has allowed me to make some great friends, unveiled my beauty, released me to dance again, freed me from many things that were produced from ungodly behavior birthed out of many insecurities that I am now free from since I made the decision to position myself for acceptance with out having to work hard! I just let down the mask, and let the beauty be seen!

Single, Sassy, Satisfied

So I must admit I am not really fond of being in situations where I feel threatened by folks who have competitive behavior. I have never been one who has had to compete for anything and I will not start now! I know I am confident with who I am and with what the Will of God is for my life. So I won't allow anyone with insecurities to intimidate me. I will simply keep focusing on God and his Will for my life and in the end I will win!

So I started my new job today and now will be working 2 jobs 5 days a week! I have to say that this job is truly a blessing and is with some of the best kids I know! I may have to get up at 5am and be here by 7am, work both jobs til 11pm and not get home til midnight and get up and do it all over for the next 4 days but I love it! I am blessed beyond measure to be able to babysit these two kids! They are great.

So we are reading this book called Captivating and I must admit while its a good book, I am having a hard time getting into it...perhaps its because I don't have a lot of time to read during the week so I cram it in during the weekend. Or perhaps, its because the book is just not for this season of my life. But I am commited to reading it and will follow through with my commitment! I have to say that there are a few small selections from with in the book I do find very Captivating and Intreging to say the least. Perhaps, I will share those at a later date.

I went for a 2 mile walk Saturday and had a wonderful workout at the gym as well. I took some random pictures of what I seen while walking and I must say the sights although natural and common spoke to me and thus leading to my snapping a captured moment via photography. I have seen the most amazing sunsets the last two nights and I was left speechless both nights at the amazing artistry of the hand of God. Then today on my drive into work I got to share the most beautiful moment with my daughter as we were stopped at a 4 way stop. There were 2 large open fields on both sides and we casted our eyes on the one to the left of us as we sat at the stop sign and noticed a deer grazing amongst it. We rolled down the windows to get a better view (fog on the windows from the morning dew) and the deer was staring at us. We watched it for about 2 minutes letting the image of what we saw soak deep with in us! Breath taking to say the least, Amariah (my daughter) waived to the deer as we began to drive away! We got to experience 3 more moments like that as we drove to work. God truly made some beautiful creatures that live on this earth!

So I have to admit this week is looking good for me. Friday, was my daughter's father and me breakfast at her school and while her dad is absent from her and due to the recent divorce of my mom and her husband (now ex) grandpa has left the scene as well, so our pastor stepped in and took her to the school breakfast. She had the most amazing time and the smile on her face was priceless, even when friends asked if that was her dad. She said confidently "No, he's better than a dad, He's my pastor." I have been blessed beyond measure this year and to know the year is not over yet makes me anticipate more blessings and greatness!

I have come to the revelation that God has me covered because the last 5 weeks folks have been slinging verbal knives my way and trash talking me; while I know this I have not been affected by these attacks. I have been able to go about life as if nothing is wrong. I only know that they are attacking me because I have been praying and God revealed this to me. I even recently spent time with one of those people and was able to find myself smiling while in their presence. Loving your enemies can be easy if you know your covered by God and if you know that nothing can harm you. Not even gossip, trash talk, verbal assult against character or integrity! I also found I have a great Pastor who has started putting folks in their place for trash talking me! He has even went to the extent of taking folks out of so called leadership roles for the way they speak against me! God is true to his word, touch not the anointed and do them no harm! I know I am anointed and I know I am God's Princess so I know he has me covered from head to toe, left to right, front and back! I entered a new season of my life in Feb. of this year and while I find it hard to put into words what transformations have taken place inside me, I know they have occurred and I know they are for the better, I no longer find the things of the past to bug me or care what folks think of me. While yes a level of accountability is required I don't care anymore who says what, God is my advocate and will judge them according to their words!

I am excited about a few other new changes in my life that are taking place also as I position myself deeper in God.The more I become intimate with God the more I find that relationships don't seem to matter anymore! I know that in time God will bring me into meeting that I carry his missing rib! I am confident that God has this area covered for me as well, I no longer find myself worrying about it, but instead enjoying where I am now! I find myself skipping in the stores, smiling as I drive, singing as I work and just happy all around! I even was twirling around after church like a little girl in a sun dress in a field of flowers! I went to bed with a smile on my face after having the greatest night out with a few amazing folks! The drive home as the sunset and seeing the focused, deep in thought look on the faces of those riding with me was the highlight of my night! The fact that I knew they were thinking about God and the awesomeness he is and created made me smile! It was like watching a school age child astounished by the sight of something for the first time! Truly spectacular! I'd do it over and over if given the chance! Moments like that are what create memories that last forever!

(Untitled for now)

With one look in your eyes,

I see freedom,

I see joy,

With one look in your eyes,

I feel love,

I feel peace,

With one look in your eyes,

I know all fear is gone,

I know who you are,

With one look in your eyes,

I embrace the hand of God,

I embrace art at its finest point,

With one look in your eyes,

I experience more than what meets the eye!

Inspiration always occurs for me with one look into the eyes. Inspiration comes in many ways for me...but its moments like this where the eyes unlock the window to one's soul and the deep calls unto the deep!

well its time for me to bid a sweat and sorrow farwell for now, but perhaps later I shall venture to write more, til then be blessed and know your highly favored of God!

The Deep Calleth to the Deep

Punky writes: Biting my tongue twiddling my thumbs... Ill smile and nod and be the puppet that you long me to be. Ill paint a pretty heart on my cheek and stare with painted eyes and red lips that are curved into a smile. Ill flash my rosy cheeks at you and let you tell me where to move and what to say. Ill give and give til I have nothing left, and wait til I get wore out just so you can throw me away and replace me with another puppet that has no flaws... Its a good thing that these eyes are painted, so no one can see the tears come spurting out of my eyes... And everyone will read this and think its about one thing, not knowing that really it has nothing to do with that at all... Because u see I'm a puppet, and puppets don't have feelings after all...

Wilbur writes: very very very good! ahh but when the puppet comes to life and cuts the strings then the party begins...while then the only tears shed are from the one who assumed they were in control, for you see even a good puppet has the ability to fight and win. Never see a good man down they say..well I say never let them see what new move the puppet has ... See Morelearned to do! For perhaps they are the puppet and you the one who controls their strings?? hmm ever thought the the answer doesn't lay within the puppet master's hand but in the heart of the puppet? hmm now for those who assume well bend over puppet and let them see the crack between the lines and for there is the real smile! and the only the ignorant have painted eyes. For in the eyes of the puppet will be found the depth of the soul. For every puppet has a heart beat, blood running in the veins, So dance my puppet for you are free indeed!

Punky writes: I see you understood it Can :) see this is just something I wrote to vent about the past a little... I was thinking and it came out like this... And indeed the puppet can be freed... But it takes a certain someone to free them... Jesus :)

Wilbur writes: Dearest, Jimminie cricket, I write thee for the sake of Pinochio you must begin to speak for in your voice will all others be silent, with you guidance will Pinochio find freedom. For is it not in riddles we speak? Parables that we come with? But the depth of the heart and the bottled tears we bring, for in our alabaster box we sacrifice the finest... See More of all! So think it not strange that you see the trail of blood that follows behind, for its that of the wounded trying to self heal as we stumble to the throne room of the Great I am pulling out the knives of those we once called friends...For though we are on the quest may the whale pass by for we are not Jonah as most may assume. We are mere soldiers who have found our way home after a long and hard battle out on the field. For no one knows the sights we have seen, no one knows what defeats we faced, yet here we stand after the fight...Sunset, and gentle breeze is all we have to remind us that we made it home from the war. Family is gone, Friends were burried at sea and time cause that one to move on.....Patients and God are what we clinge to now with a knowing that these old puppets can in deed breathe again!

Clearer Vision on What I Deserve!

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside." 1 Cor 13:11 AMP








Looking for the real man I am worthy of having this time around no more boys!

The Lips of the Untaimed Beast

"Loose lips sink ships..." an oldie but a goodie..Now if folks would just get ahold of this and realize the impact their words have on others. I am fastly approaching 30 years of age and find it annoying to say the least that folks find enjoyment, fulfillment, pleasure and satisfaction in gossip. I mean seriously, what benefit does really come from it? Oh wait the benefit of not having to be reminded that their junk smells or perhaps that they even have junk in their trunk they need to deal with. I mean seriously GROW UP!

It doesn't offend me that my name is being broadcasted by the mouths of many 'haters' or 'liars' but what does bother me is that these folks DO NOT know me..they haven't even spent time with me to allow the foolish utterings to be true. They are speaking from the garbage can they call a heart because of some deep seeded issue they have yet dealt with in their life. Which saddens me really. Because I know what it is like to have issues so deeply rooted that it affects me and others. However, I have gotten them removed and have changed the behavior those rooted issues have caused. Does that make me better than these folks...NO....JUST sets me up to be an expert in this area to help them become one too! Psalm 101:5 is I guess where I am coming from on this topic (as in Bibical foundation).

I went to the gym today and did a cardio workout...I am hoping to have the money for a personal trainer starting next week so that I can get to the weight lifting so I can tone and firm...but til then I will do what I can on my own and focus on keeping a positive mindset on this new adventure.


Well I must now go grab lunch and venture off to work where I will sit til 10:30pm again and then head home to be back to work at 6:30am til 5:30pm...Oh how I love to make money...lol well just have the needs met and the desires fulfilled that is!

Until next time let me challenge you with this....

What you say has the power to affect others...So How are you affecting others? Positive speech will result in positive affects and negative speech affects people to the core of their being and will last longer than positive, so start speaking positively about folks and to them and see yourself grow!

Oh and beware of the emotional vampires who will bleed you dry!